Hey Losers,

More from the mailbag my pet Phillipino has sent me…

Elizabethe writes:
I am going to try and write this without provoking you to call me any names…lol   Anyway, I found your website and wandered through. I was seriously thinking of sending that whopping $9.95 because I am interested in what you are saying/selling. Then, I’ve read your blog and alot of this stuff is over my head. Not that I couldn’t learn it, but I really am not familiar with any of the intricacies you discuss. My question, Will I be able to use your system without becoming a computer guru? I don’t mind learning something new but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the info. I can’t afford to f**k up too much  before I make money. Okay, let the chastising begin. Thanks your royal jerkiness!

Its a good thing I already have an extremely low opinion of all you people, otherwise I’d be upset by emails like this.

Look - you don’t need to be a genius to make money online!  We all know of gurus out there who are slightly smarter than than retarded rocks.

My system is the easiest, most brain-dead system you’ll find to teach new people how to make money on the internet.  Period.  You don’t need to know how to work a computer beyond turning it on, accessing the internet, and pointing & clicking your mouse.

The stuff I write here on my blog is meant to supplement the material in my course.  Some of it can be advanced, because people want to know how to do more advanced stuff as time goes on!  That’s natural, baby.  Some day, after you’re an old pro at this, you’ll come to this blog and understand every freakin’ work I’m saying.

I know that with all the info in this market, it can be easy to get OVERWHELMED.  The key is to just focus on teh BASICS and get started.  Eventually, you’ll run into things where you go “Gee, I don’t know how to handle this.  I guess I need to learn something new.”  Eventually, your knowledge base builds up and you’ll learn more.

See how that works?

Honestly, this stuff isn’t hard once you get used to it.  And my course is a great place to start.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

Got another good question from one of you morons.  Check it out…

I need some help on how to get clicks to convert into sales! I have used the AdWords demographic strategies and have had over 2000 Clicks between 5 campaigns. I ran each campaign until it had around 350 clicks. I need some help as to how I can improve my sales via PPC.

-Steven

Conversions are about two things - the quality of your traffic and the quality of your sales page.

Obviously, I know NOTHING about your sales process.  But if you want to improve your shit, you need to start SPLIT TESTING those mothers…

Here’s the deal…

You’re setting up your campaigns in Google, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job at it.  Your ads are getting clicks.  But are you split testing your ads?

If you create better ads, you attract better buyers, get a higher click through rate, and a lower cost per click.  You always, always, ALWAYS want to split test your ads!!!!

To do this, go into campaign settings and choose to “Rotate” your ads instead of “optimizing” them.  Optimizing your ad rotation is just a way for Google to rape you on fees.  Don’t do it.  Always create two ads for every adgroup you have, and make sure they’re evenly displayed.

Next, sign up for Winner Alert.  This will help you keep track of what ads are doing the best.  Do at least 3 split tests per adgroup before settling on the winning ad.  But if you’re anal, or you can hire people to handle this for you, do continual split testing with your ads to constantly improve CTR.

As you’re split testing your ads, make sure you’re tracking conversions of your campaigns.  Use negative keywords to make sure your ads only show up for relevant keyword terms.  Pause adgroups that get 200 clicks but no conversions.  If an adgroup hasn’t converted by the 200th click, its a loser and needs to be shut off.

Use Google’s ad placement feature to make sure your ads show up on the first page of results.  If you’re doing a test, set this for a maximum of 1 and a minimum of 8.  If your ad isn’t showing up on the first page of results, chances are your test isn’t going to be very accurate.

Next, make sure your landing page is being tested so it converts at an optimum level.  You can use Google Website Optomizer for this.  It’s free and pretty accurate.  If you’re promoting an affiliate product, create a split test link that rotates between two different affiliate offers, and see which one converts the best for you.  Go for the offer that makes the most sales.

Too many people are in a rush to get traffic, and they never think about conversions.  That’s B.S.  You have to think of BOTH.  The testing phase is always a bitch because you’re shelling out money and trying to find out what works.  But once you find out what works, you can now focus your efforts on the winners and ramp those up to get even MORE of that type of traffic, and that’s when the money starts flowing.

I recommend testing anywhere from two weeks to a full month.  Usually, you’ll know what’s working after 30 days worth of data.

Later Losers,

-RJ

S’up Losers,

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted anything lately.  Why? Because I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT!  That’s why.  STFU.  Its summer fer cryin’ out loud.

Anyway, my pet phillipino boy who combs through all your Q&A’s has gotten back to me with a few reasonably intelligent questions.  Here’s one now…

Howard Dennison writes:
Hi RJ,

Your new blog totally kicks ass. I’m writhing in pathetic jealousy as I wonder how much you paid some coding genius from Uzbekistan to program this bad boy.

My blog is nowhere near as sexy as yours but I’ve worked on it quite a while and I’ve got it making a couple bucks a day with Google Adsense (on the good days). It’s a blog dedicated to sharing funny videos and I’m getting 200-300 visitors a day from Google search results, link exchanges, and social bookmarking.

I think it has the potential to break 1000 visitors a day. What kind of top secret profitable traffic methods can I tap into in order to make some more green?

I like how you guys out there think there are some top secret traffic methods that only the “gurus” know about.

Face it - you Losers already know all the traffic secrets!  There’s nothing new under the sun, baby!  Its all old school when it comes to traffic.

Here’s the different traffic sources you can get:

1.  Pay Per Click Traffic

2.  Search Engine Traffic

3.  Banner Traffic

4.  Video Traffic

5.  CPA Network Traffic

6.  Social Media & Web 2.0 Traffic

There are a few others, but those are the big ones.

The real trick here isn’t so much finding new traffic sources.  That’s easy.  The important thing is to find traffic that will MAKE YOU MOOLAH. $$$$.

Of course, throw enough traffic at ANYTHING and you’ll make money.  No problem.  But you gotta be dilligent about tracking your traffic.

So if you want to really ramp up your site traffic, here’s how to do it…

1. Pay Per Click - Sign up for Google Adwords and target keywords and websites.  Track the shit out of that traffic and narrow down which keywords/websites are converting for you.  Then copy those campaigns over to Yahoo and MSN.  Be sure to track those too.  But if they convert on Google. chances are they’ll convert on the other two as well.

2.  Search Engine Traffic - Make sure your site is optimized for the search engines.  Easiest way to do this is to add a wordpress blog to your site along with a Google Sitemap.  Wordpress is set to PING the search engines automatically every time its updated.  So if you target your blog to your main keywords, eventually you’ll get ranked for them and get that free traffic.  Once you’re set up, start building backlinks to your blog.  The easiest way to do this is to just take every post you write up for it, and submit it as an article to multiple article directories, linking back to the original post for your desired keyword.  This will build up link juice for your site.  You can also take advantage of Wordpress’s trackback and pingback feature to get link juice from like-minded blogs.

3.  Banner Traffic - Take your best converting ad from your Google PPC account, and have it turned into banner ads.  You can hire someone to do this for you.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, just words against a white background.  Just make it for every possible banner ad size.  Use these on the Google Content Network, along with banner servers like AdBrite.  You can also target specific websites and cut deals with them to display your banners.  There are also free banner exchanges you can sign up for to get your ads displayed everywhere.  Just be sure to track what websites are sending you the converting traffic!  Use PPSeer for this.  Systematically eliminate the junk sites, and focus on getting more traffic from the winning sites.

4.  Video Traffic - Make a video, sign up for Traffic Geyser, and blast that badboy out to every video site you can find.  Make sure your website is prominently displayed in the video, and your description and title are keyword loaded.  The easiest way to make a video is to record yourself reading an article, and set that audio to a still image.  You can do this extremely easily with a program like iMovie or something similar.  Easy, right?

5.  CPA Network - take your offer and blast it out to the CPA networks like Azoogle, Commission Junction, ROI Rocket, and all the others.  Use your converting banner ads to give to affiliates and the like.  Even if your offer isn’t eating up the rankings on these networks, you’ll build up a great network of affiliates sending you traffic over time.  If you’re not a merchant, you can use CPA networks for a pay per action of some sort, like newsletter signup or something like that.

6.  Social Media & Web 2.0 - Hire some people in a 3rd world country to set up social bookmarking accounts for your blog, and create Myspace and Facebook accounts.  Have them automatically add friends to your accounts and send them bulletins about your site.  Put an opt in form on your pages and get people on your list from these sites.  Then send them to your site and offers through emailing your list.  There are so many web 2.0 sites out there, you can get creative and figure out how to drive traffic with them.

I could go on for hours on all the different traffic strategies you can use.  But I won’t.  Just don’t try and figure out the “newest” thing.  Go for the old shit that still works, and learn how to do it REALLY WELL.

Later Losers,

-RJ

I just read an interesting article over at CNet about how the latest internet gold rush is officially dying.

For those of you who don’t keep up with stuff, allow me to translate - recently, all the hype on how to make quick riches online had to do with Facebook Applications.

Basically, you create some type of software widget people could put on their Facebook pages, you get the billions of retards on Facebook to use it, and then you sell out to people with money (that is, if you hadn’t figured out some way to monetize your application your own damn self).

According to the CNet article, Facebook has reached critical mass, and Facebook Apps as a way of getting rich online are going the way of the dodo. Mass proliferation of crappy applications, plus the advent of OpenSocial, and the fact that Facebook is run by a raging loony-bin of retards, means that the gold rush is over.

Can you not make any money off a Facebook App? Sure you can. I’m certain it’s still possible. Would you want to go through the trouble of doing so? Not in my opinion.

Lemme tell you a little sumtin’ sumtin (and pay attention, because this knowledge bomb is gonna make you a lot of money in the long run)…

New developments on the internet have a fast lifespan. They burn bright and hot for a few months, and then they die. In order to take advantage of them, you have to be ON TOP OF SHIT. You gotta be reading about the latest technologies comin’ down the grapevine, you gotta beat the crowd to them, you gotta know how to make money with them, and you have to know when to LEAVE and move on.

It’s sort of like day trading.

Do people get rich day trading stocks? Sure. Do they get wealthy? No. They’re always too busy working to make a quick buck rather than to get the big money.

To me, all this social media, web 2.0 horse ka-ka is nothing but another avenue for LEAD GENERATION.

If you have a solid business, you use these outlets to generate leads for that business, and that will make you money LONG TERM. A business is something you can keep going indefinitely, a perpetual money machine. A fad is something that will make you money in the short term, but is unsustainable in the long haul (stuff like adsense sites, Facebook Apps, etc.).

So for those of you out there who are worried about missing the boat on the next “big thing,” don’t sweat it. Stick to the fundamentals - the kind of fundamentals I teach you in my book. That stuff will ALWAYS make you money. And you don’t have to chase after it like a desperate snake oil salesman. You can take your time, master it, and make real sustainable money.

For instance - everyone is looking at Facebook and writing off the App business. Some people are testing out their advertising system too (which sucks huge donkey balls, by the way). But if you really want to know how to use Facebook to make MFM, here’s what you do…

Create a profile…

Get an ass-load of friends…

Promote as many offers to those friends as you can.

It works! Because you’re generating LEADS and then MARKETING to them. Simple, straightforward, and effective. Good ol’ marketing brew-ha-ha. And you don’t have to be a geek programmer to do it.

It’s easy to get caught up in hype. But always, always, ALWAYS stick to the fundamentals, and you can never go wrong.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

After careful review, I have determined the winner of the ass-kiss contest to be none other than Mike Hock.  Here is his winning kiss:

Mikehock kissed:
RJ,

You are a f*ckin GENIUS!

Great new Blog!…

I’m glad you fired that putz who is not even worthy of woring in the same room/building…no…no…no…STATE as you.

I hope you gave him a good kick in the ass while you were giving him the boot.

I like the stripper hanging upsidedown from the pole. SEX sells baby!

Only you would have the internet marketing GENIUS to put a stripper on your blog about making money.

There sheer concept that you created - a no name no face leader in there respected field is beyoned BRILLIANT!

And you have helped countless people make tons of money putting these simple internet marketing strategies to work - In a way that a freakin retard could understand.

I guess you really did some research into your target market…LOL

This blog kicks your last Blogs ass - HERE’S WHY……………….

#1. Half naked upside down stripper on blog - YES!

#2. Half naked stripper on pole hanging upside down!

#3. Do I need another reason?

Just take a look to your right——————————>

All the usefull links and other cool sh*t that wasn’t on the last Blog.

$$$ Kudo’s…..RJ - Sheer marketing Magic!

The man throws internet mareting EVENTS at the F*ckn PLAYBOY Mansion!

I would give my first born Child/Mother/Grandmother/My dog….and I’ll through in my girlfriend to - just to sit in the same room with you just so I could learn from osmosiss.

HOLD ON…………….My lips are getting sore….

Thank you for the great Blog /site and the kick in the pants I needed.

You are the KING dam it!

Thanks!

PS…Remember - Mikehock RULES!

It was a difficult decision, because there were a lot of great kiss-asses.  What put Mike over the top is that besides his meticulous attention to the half-naked woman on my website, he was the only one who offered me his girlfriend, grandmother, and dog.

Way to go, Loser.  You just won yourself a free website critique from one of my top marketers.

Go to the “Questions” tab on the blog and send in an email with the website address and your contact info, and my guys will contact you.  I won’t, though, I’m much too important to do that.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hanging out on this blog, it’s that you’re all pathetic.

If there’s another thing I’ve learned, its that you guys always want to know how to get more traffic to your websites. The problem is, your ass is too CHEAP to go out and buy it. You want to know how to get it for free.

Okay, that’s cool. Free traffic is awesome. I’m awesome. Therefore, if anyone can teach you how to get free traffic, it’s me.

One of the big crazes sweeping the internet is this notion of online video. Sites like Youtube get hundreds of millions (if not billions) of losers wasting time on there every day, and chances are, out of all those idiots, you can find a few to buy the crap you’re selling them.

So if you know how to make good videos that appeal to your market, you can use them to drive traffic to your site.

Here are some tips for getting free traffic from videos, just for you:

1. Keep videos useful, but incomplete.

The inner-filmmaker in everyone wants to freakin’ deliver their magnum opus to Youtube. Screw that. Keep your videos short - two minutes max. Give away some good info your prospects will want, but at the end of the video, tell them to take an action (ie: visit your own damn website) to get MORE information.

Let’s say you are doing a product review. In your video, you can spend the whole two minutes talking about how you got this product, and it made you $5,000 in two weeks, doing a total 90 minutes of work. You can show people the checks you got, the product itself, etc. Then, at the end of the video, you can say: “If you want to learn more about the tactics this course taught me, visit my website at…” whatever.

So you show the benefit (useful), and tell the viewer to take an action to find out how you got that benefit and how they can do it too. (incomplete).

2. Plaster Your Website On That Dang Video.

Don’t wait to show people your website. Put it on the bottom of that video and keep it up on there the WHOLE DANG TIME. I believe video geeks call this the “bottom third” where you take the bottom third part of the video and display your website address on there. Any moron with iMovie can do this, so you should too.

3. Piggy-back off popular videos

Find videos on Youtube that are getting lots of traffic, and create a video response for them. This will show up beneath the video, and you’ll get to siphon off some of that massive traffic that video is getting.

4. Trick The Public

If there’s a super-popular video on Youtube, did you know you can totally trick people into watching your video because they think they’re going to be watching a super-popular video? It’s a very easy trick. First, you need to know that Youtube takes a screencapture of your video 30 seconds in (or in some cases at the half way mark of your video), if you did not specifiy one yourself, to be shown next to that video in it’s results listings.

So what you do is this… take a screenshot of the popular video that is the same as the screenshot that shows up next to it in Youtube. (You can do this by pressing CNTRL+PrtScn) Then, you insert this picture as 1 frame of video, 30 seconds into YOUR video (or half way through). Then you upload it to Youtube using the same title, description, etc. as the popular video.

So when people go searching for that popular video, and they click on your version of it, instead of seeing what they want, they’ll see YOUR video.

Is this sneaky? You bet. Is it underhanded? You bet. Will most people click away and leave once they see it’s not what they’re looking for? You bet. But if even a SMALL percentage of people on a video that’s being searched for 1,000,000 times a DAY decide to watch your full video, you’re going to make some sales. Period.

5. Get Listed In The Search Engines

Did you know putting up a video on Youtube can get you top ranking in the search engines for keyword phrases in a matter of hours? it’s true. You just need to know the tricks to writing your descriptions properly, and how to keyword-load your title.

But taking it a step further, you can also get an RSS feed for your Youtube account and ping that sucker at pingomatic.com, and have search engines from all over crawl your video and INDEX it. So not only do you get listed in Google, but suddenly your video is in Yahoo, MSN, ASK, and all those other lame search engines people use.

Each Youtube user has their own RSS feed, even though YouTube doesn’t advertise it. The format is:

http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/users/username/uploads

Just replace the part where it says “username” with your own username. (simple, yes?)

Now, you might be thinking “Wow, RJ - You’re so smart! This info is worth serious cash!”

Well, you’d be right. But to be honest with you, I don’t concern myself with these things. I have people who do it for me. I’m much too important to sit around on Youtube all day watching something that ISN’T two hot girls making out.

When I want video traffic for any of my websites, I call one guy, and one guy only… Jason Moffatt.

Yes, he is a freak who ate too many paint chips while living under some powerlines as a child, but all the tips I just gave you are just some of the things he uses everyday in addition to many more sneaky strategies. Seriously, this kid is a wizzard when it comes to getting free traffic with videos.

He will give you tactics that will blow your freakin’ mind with the amount of traffic they’ll get you. Heck, I think he even has a way to do this stuff without even making your own freakin’ videos. Perfect for a lazy SOB like me.

I asked Jason to give Rich Jerk students a special gift today and he agreed to make a bonus video explaining more of his tactics. Go to his website now (see link below) and check out the video he made just for my blog readers:

Jason Moffatt’s Video Tactics Don’t Suck…at all

After Jason is done with you, maybe you’ll stop being such a moron and get all that free traffic you’ve always wanted. Or don’t use his tactics. I don’t care. I’ll still be rich and you’ll still be… well, you.

Later Losers,

-RJ