An open letter to all Losers who keep whining about not getting any traffic to their lame-ass websites:

STFU.

The reason none of your traffic is converting is because the traffic you’re breaking your pimply butt over isn’t worth a damn.  It’s random.  It’s untargeted.  It’s the online equivalent of driving a Prius – it seems like a good idea, until you actually start doing it.

If you want to spend your time doing something productive (you know, that will actually make you some money), spend your time getting quality visitors to your website.

I’d rather have 100 quality visitors than 100,000 untargeted, low-quality site visitors any day of the week.

Why?  Simple: Because quality website traffic buys crap.  Untargeted, low-quality traffic doesn’t.

So if you’re spending money buying low quality website traffic, then it sucks to be you.  Really.  You might as well pull that money out of the ATM, wipe your bum with it, roll it up and snort a few lines of coke, then toss it in the garbage along with a flaming bottle of vodka and watch it go up in smoke.  You’d actually be getting some use from your money that way.

The art of driving traffic is all about finding people who are actually interested in your product, and getting them to your website.  If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.  And you know what?  It actually IS easy, and yet very few people out there are able to pull it off.

Yet more proof that most of you are morons.  But I digress…

Here are some ways to get yourself some quality traffic:

1.  Track your conversions on paid advertising

Only complete idiots spend money on traffic that doesn’t make them money.  So if you’re not tracking conversions, and you’re actually paying for the site traffic you get – you’re hella stupid and will never, ever, ever become rich like me.

Most advertising sites give you tracking code you can use to see what’s actually giving you a return on your investment.  And most affiliate programs offer tracking IDs.  If you aren’t getting a return, stop paying for the traffic immediately.  If you are, then pay as much as you can for that traffic and watch the money roll in.

2.  Build an email list.

Duh.  People who opt into an email list are basically screaming at you “I’M INTERESTED IN BUYING YOUR CRAP!!!!”  It’s a great way to weed out the “lookie-loos” from the people who will actually make you money.

If you’re 100% brain dead and think email marketing is hard, it’s not.  It’s super easy.  Just sign up for any newsletter service out there, copy and paste a bit of HTML code onto your site, and boom!  You’re building a list.

Anyone who is not building email lists is a Loser.  Pure and simple.

3.  Target the right keywords.

Most of you butt-monkies out there have no idea how important proper keyword research is on the internet.  Keywords are the basis of how people find websites!  If you target the right keywords, not just for your paid ads, but for your blog pages and so forth, you will find the type of traffic you’re looking for.

For instance, someone searching for the keyword “TV” is a lot less likely to buy than someone searching for “Sony Wega SXRD 60″ Rear Projection TV.”  One of those keywords is a “casual shopper” keyword.  The other one is a “buyer” keyword.  (I’ll let you figure out which one is which) The difference?  The person typing in the buyer keyword is a lot more likely to spend money than the casual shopper. 

So if you can figure out the keywords your buyers are using to search the internet, you can target ranking your website or buying ads for those keywords, and get more of that delicious quality traffic.  Yum!

There’s a lot more I could tell you about how to find quality traffic.  But these three tips should get you started in the right direction.  But if you really, really, really want to learn more, buy my freakin’ book.  It’s awesome.  I’m awesome.  You’re not until you get my course.  So there.

So start getting quality traffic and stop your complaining.  Or keep getting crap traffic and whine like a mule.  Your choice.

Later Losers,

–RJ

P.S.  If you’re reading this, take the time to comment on my freakin’ blog and tell me what a genius I am.  Otherwise, screw off.

I constantly get emails from Losers wondering how they can start making money on the internet.  They’re either begging me to do the work for them and just “hand over” the money, or they’re calling me out and demanding that I “prove” to them that it can be done.

The problem with both these scenarios is (besides these people being full-on retards) that both types of people reek of desperation.

They are constantly running around, desperately looking for something – ANYTHING – to make them money.

As soon as some new guru comes out with a product promising to make them a bajillion dollars, they jump all over it.  And as soon as the next product comes out, they jump on that too.

In sort - they aren’t bothering to focus on anything.

And if there’s one thing ol’ RJ has learned, its that the key to success in any field is FOCUS.

For instance, I built my empire by focusing all my time and efforts on search engine optimization.  I got really good at that stuff, and built up assets that I was able to sell for large sums of money.

Then, I got really good at buying media.  Make no mistake about it – the Rich Jerk company isn’t successful because I’m awesome (though that’s definitely part of it).  It’s the multi-million dollar money-maker it is because I know how to get people to my website.  Period.

So instead of running around desperately trying to find something to make you cash – STOP.  Stop wasting your time.  Stop wasting your energy.  Stop wasting your money.  Focus on just ONE THING you want to get good at, and get freakin’ good at it.

Period.

I would suggest getting good at Google Adwords.  Seriously.  Knowing how to buy traffic is the quickest and easiest way to make money online.  It will help you in more ways than you know possible, and Google is by far the easiest way to get started.

And if you’re not good at it at first – DON’T GIVE UP.  Take your time, and learn.  Losers always quit.  Winners never give up.  So if you want to start making some cash, learn to master the skill of buying website traffic.  Not only is this something you can use to make money as an affiliate, it’s also a skill you can use to market yourself to other people who are too lazy or stupid to accomplish what you have.

Understand that the internet is always changing, but the fundamentals don’t.  No matter what “web 2.0″ B.S. gets vomited out, people will always respond to advertising.

But if you want to be the type of people who become experts at using sites like Facebook, Myspace, Squidoo, etc. to get traffic and make money, then by all means – do that!  Be that guy!  But focus on it.  Don’t try it for a while and then jump ship.

I understand the idea of quick money on the internet is appealing, and lord knows there’s enough of it out there.  But there is also something to be said about taking your time, paying your dues, and being in it for the LONG HAUL.

So if you’re struggling, stop wasting your time.  Buckle down and get serious.

Oh yeah, and buy my stuff.

Later Loser,

-RJ

Dear Losers,

Check out this question some snotrag asked me a while back:

I need some help on how to get clicks to convert into sales! I have used the
AdWords demographic strategies and have had over 2000 Clicks between 5
campaigns. I ran each campaign until it had around 350 clicks. I need some help
as to how I can improve my sales via PPC.

-Steven

I actually hear this a lot – especially from newbie marketers who still don’t really understand what it takes to make real, live cash on the internet.

Look – just because you get CLICKS on your happy little “ads” on Google doesn’t mean DIDDILY.

SQUAT.

NADA.

Why is this?  Simple… clicks do not equal quality.  I could buy an ad under the keyword “Johnny Depp” for my website, and literally get 5,000 clicks in one day, and spend thousands of dollars in ad costs.

But I don’t.  Wanna know why?

Because even though I’m incredibly good looking, charismatic, filthy rich, and most of all – modest (just like Johnny Depp), that famous actor has absolutely nothing to do with my product, my market, OR my target demographic.

Ya’ feel me, dawg?

If you want your PPC campaigns to start converting to sales, you need to stop thinking like a desperate loser marketer and start thinking like… **drum roll please** … YOUR CUSTOMER.

(Its a stretch, I know, but bear with me here…)

When choosing your keywords, you MUST think like someone who is searching for what you have to offer.  See, not all keywords are created equal.  There are some keywords that people who are ready and willing to buy will search for, and there are some keywords that people who are just mildly interested will search for.

The typical breakdown is this:

1.  Buyer Keywords – very specific, large in number, but low click volume.  However, they convert the best.

2.  Searcher Keywords – very general, low in number, but high click volume.  They barely convert, if at all.

What we’re talking about here is the difference between the keywords “make money” and “ebook on how to make money online.”

One keyword is very general, will get you lots of clicks, and very little sales.  The other keyword is very targeted, will get relatively few clicks, but will have a higher conversion rate – mostly because someone typing in that phrase already knows what they are looking for and wants to buy.

Understand – the key to making money online isn’t CONVINCING people to buy.  It’s finding people who already WANT to buy and putting your offer in front of them first.  So if your clicks aren’t converting to sales, you need to focus on two things…

ONE:  Find better keywords and more relelvant ads to advertise under.

TWO:  Make sure your sales page doesn’t suck donkey balls.

It seems soooooo simple, doesn’t it?  But there are still morons out there who will blow all their cash on junk clicks sending people to a website that looks like a trained monkey from 1993 made it.

In both cases, you need to THINK LIKE YOUR CUSTOMER.  Get in their head.  Figure out who the type of person is that’s most likely to buy from your offer, and start thinking like them.  What would they search for?  What pain are the experiencing?  What would trigger them to WANT to buy?

And once you figure that out, USE IT!!!!!

Duh.

Marketing isn’t rocket science.  It’s fourth-grade psychology.  Take an acting class, and you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to get into the mind of a different character.  Because once you understand your customer, you’ll know how to sell to them.

Later Losers,

–RJ

P.S. If you really want to learn how to do Keyword Research and find converting keywords, check out my new course Sneaky System.  It’s awesome, and it’ll explain the whole process in a way that would make even your computer-illiterate grandmother understand.

Hey Losers,

More from the mailbag my pet Phillipino has sent me…

Elizabethe writes:
I am going to try and write this without provoking you to call me any names…lol   Anyway, I found your website and wandered through. I was seriously thinking of sending that whopping $9.95 because I am interested in what you are saying/selling. Then, I’ve read your blog and alot of this stuff is over my head. Not that I couldn’t learn it, but I really am not familiar with any of the intricacies you discuss. My question, Will I be able to use your system without becoming a computer guru? I don’t mind learning something new but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the info. I can’t afford to f**k up too much  before I make money. Okay, let the chastising begin. Thanks your royal jerkiness!

Its a good thing I already have an extremely low opinion of all you people, otherwise I’d be upset by emails like this.

Look – you don’t need to be a genius to make money online!  We all know of gurus out there who are slightly smarter than than retarded rocks.

My system is the easiest, most brain-dead system you’ll find to teach new people how to make money on the internet.  Period.  You don’t need to know how to work a computer beyond turning it on, accessing the internet, and pointing & clicking your mouse.

The stuff I write here on my blog is meant to supplement the material in my course.  Some of it can be advanced, because people want to know how to do more advanced stuff as time goes on!  That’s natural, baby.  Some day, after you’re an old pro at this, you’ll come to this blog and understand every freakin’ work I’m saying.

I know that with all the info in this market, it can be easy to get OVERWHELMED.  The key is to just focus on teh BASICS and get started.  Eventually, you’ll run into things where you go “Gee, I don’t know how to handle this.  I guess I need to learn something new.”  Eventually, your knowledge base builds up and you’ll learn more.

See how that works?

Honestly, this stuff isn’t hard once you get used to it.  And my course is a great place to start.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

Got another good question from one of you morons.  Check it out…

I need some help on how to get clicks to convert into sales! I have used the AdWords demographic strategies and have had over 2000 Clicks between 5 campaigns. I ran each campaign until it had around 350 clicks. I need some help as to how I can improve my sales via PPC.

-Steven

Conversions are about two things – the quality of your traffic and the quality of your sales page.

Obviously, I know NOTHING about your sales process.  But if you want to improve your shit, you need to start SPLIT TESTING those mothers…

Here’s the deal…

You’re setting up your campaigns in Google, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job at it.  Your ads are getting clicks.  But are you split testing your ads?

If you create better ads, you attract better buyers, get a higher click through rate, and a lower cost per click.  You always, always, ALWAYS want to split test your ads!!!!

To do this, go into campaign settings and choose to “Rotate” your ads instead of “optimizing” them.  Optimizing your ad rotation is just a way for Google to rape you on fees.  Don’t do it.  Always create two ads for every adgroup you have, and make sure they’re evenly displayed.

Next, sign up for Winner Alert.  This will help you keep track of what ads are doing the best.  Do at least 3 split tests per adgroup before settling on the winning ad.  But if you’re anal, or you can hire people to handle this for you, do continual split testing with your ads to constantly improve CTR.

As you’re split testing your ads, make sure you’re tracking conversions of your campaigns.  Use negative keywords to make sure your ads only show up for relevant keyword terms.  Pause adgroups that get 200 clicks but no conversions.  If an adgroup hasn’t converted by the 200th click, its a loser and needs to be shut off.

Use Google’s ad placement feature to make sure your ads show up on the first page of results.  If you’re doing a test, set this for a maximum of 1 and a minimum of 8.  If your ad isn’t showing up on the first page of results, chances are your test isn’t going to be very accurate.

Next, make sure your landing page is being tested so it converts at an optimum level.  You can use Google Website Optomizer for this.  It’s free and pretty accurate.  If you’re promoting an affiliate product, create a split test link that rotates between two different affiliate offers, and see which one converts the best for you.  Go for the offer that makes the most sales.

Too many people are in a rush to get traffic, and they never think about conversions.  That’s B.S.  You have to think of BOTH.  The testing phase is always a bitch because you’re shelling out money and trying to find out what works.  But once you find out what works, you can now focus your efforts on the winners and ramp those up to get even MORE of that type of traffic, and that’s when the money starts flowing.

I recommend testing anywhere from two weeks to a full month.  Usually, you’ll know what’s working after 30 days worth of data.

Later Losers,

-RJ

S’up Losers,

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted anything lately.  Why? Because I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT!  That’s why.  STFU.  Its summer fer cryin’ out loud.

Anyway, my pet phillipino boy who combs through all your Q&A’s has gotten back to me with a few reasonably intelligent questions.  Here’s one now…

Howard Dennison writes:
Hi RJ,

Your new blog totally kicks ass. I’m writhing in pathetic jealousy as I wonder how much you paid some coding genius from Uzbekistan to program this bad boy.

My blog is nowhere near as sexy as yours but I’ve worked on it quite a while and I’ve got it making a couple bucks a day with Google Adsense (on the good days). It’s a blog dedicated to sharing funny videos and I’m getting 200-300 visitors a day from Google search results, link exchanges, and social bookmarking.

I think it has the potential to break 1000 visitors a day. What kind of top secret profitable traffic methods can I tap into in order to make some more green?

I like how you guys out there think there are some top secret traffic methods that only the “gurus” know about.

Face it – you Losers already know all the traffic secrets!  There’s nothing new under the sun, baby!  Its all old school when it comes to traffic.

Here’s the different traffic sources you can get:

1.  Pay Per Click Traffic

2.  Search Engine Traffic

3.  Banner Traffic

4.  Video Traffic

5.  CPA Network Traffic

6.  Social Media & Web 2.0 Traffic

There are a few others, but those are the big ones.

The real trick here isn’t so much finding new traffic sources.  That’s easy.  The important thing is to find traffic that will MAKE YOU MOOLAH. $$$$.

Of course, throw enough traffic at ANYTHING and you’ll make money.  No problem.  But you gotta be dilligent about tracking your traffic.

So if you want to really ramp up your site traffic, here’s how to do it…

1. Pay Per Click – Sign up for Google Adwords and target keywords and websites.  Track the shit out of that traffic and narrow down which keywords/websites are converting for you.  Then copy those campaigns over to Yahoo and MSN.  Be sure to track those too.  But if they convert on Google. chances are they’ll convert on the other two as well.

2.  Search Engine Traffic – Make sure your site is optimized for the search engines.  Easiest way to do this is to add a wordpress blog to your site along with a Google Sitemap.  Wordpress is set to PING the search engines automatically every time its updated.  So if you target your blog to your main keywords, eventually you’ll get ranked for them and get that free traffic.  Once you’re set up, start building backlinks to your blog.  The easiest way to do this is to just take every post you write up for it, and submit it as an article to multiple article directories, linking back to the original post for your desired keyword.  This will build up link juice for your site.  You can also take advantage of Wordpress’s trackback and pingback feature to get link juice from like-minded blogs.

3.  Banner Traffic – Take your best converting ad from your Google PPC account, and have it turned into banner ads.  You can hire someone to do this for you.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, just words against a white background.  Just make it for every possible banner ad size.  Use these on the Google Content Network, along with banner servers like AdBrite.  You can also target specific websites and cut deals with them to display your banners.  There are also free banner exchanges you can sign up for to get your ads displayed everywhere.  Just be sure to track what websites are sending you the converting traffic!  Use PPSeer for this.  Systematically eliminate the junk sites, and focus on getting more traffic from the winning sites.

4.  Video Traffic – Make a video, sign up for Traffic Geyser, and blast that badboy out to every video site you can find.  Make sure your website is prominently displayed in the video, and your description and title are keyword loaded.  The easiest way to make a video is to record yourself reading an article, and set that audio to a still image.  You can do this extremely easily with a program like iMovie or something similar.  Easy, right?

5.  CPA Network – take your offer and blast it out to the CPA networks like Azoogle, Commission Junction, ROI Rocket, and all the others.  Use your converting banner ads to give to affiliates and the like.  Even if your offer isn’t eating up the rankings on these networks, you’ll build up a great network of affiliates sending you traffic over time.  If you’re not a merchant, you can use CPA networks for a pay per action of some sort, like newsletter signup or something like that.

6.  Social Media & Web 2.0 – Hire some people in a 3rd world country to set up social bookmarking accounts for your blog, and create Myspace and Facebook accounts.  Have them automatically add friends to your accounts and send them bulletins about your site.  Put an opt in form on your pages and get people on your list from these sites.  Then send them to your site and offers through emailing your list.  There are so many web 2.0 sites out there, you can get creative and figure out how to drive traffic with them.

I could go on for hours on all the different traffic strategies you can use.  But I won’t.  Just don’t try and figure out the “newest” thing.  Go for the old shit that still works, and learn how to do it REALLY WELL.

Later Losers,

-RJ