The Puppet Master

Dear Loser,

You poor thing. You probably don’t even know
that your life sucks, do you?

That’s just sad.

But at least ignorance is bliss. Because if you don’t
know how good things can be, your life doesn’t
seem so bad.

But trust me….it is.

In fact, if I had your life, I’d either change things
real quick or commit suicide.

So unless you plan on ending it all, LISTEN UP.

I fu*k around with you a lot, BECAUSE I CAN. After all,
you sought me out and DOUBLE CONFIRMED that you
wanted to receive my emails.

So either you enjoy punishment, or there’s something in
your pea brain that thinks one day I might tell you something
that just CLICKS.

Well, today is that day.

I’m going to do something that I swore I would never do.
Prepare yourself. You may need an extra Depends diaper
for this.

Are you ready?

Sh*t, I’m sitting here right this very second, still
teetering with this decision. I was supposed to announce
this last week, but I changed my mind. Now I’ve been
fronted so much GREEN that not doing it would be INSANE.

Grrrrrr.

You have no idea how much this pains me. And I’m not a
guy whose used to doing things I don’t want to do.

Aww, fu*k it. I’ll keep writing this email for now,
and maybe I won’t send it. Thats the only way I can
convince myself to keep writing at this point.

Anyway, it’s time for your wet dream come true.

Here goes….

I’m about to participate in 2 things I never thought
I would, and you can be an integral part in BOTH of them.

A standardized product launch & a Rich Jerk event.

I may regret this decision for years, but in January 2007,
I’ve decided to open up my headquarter doors to a few
lucky visitors.

A Field Trip to the Inner Sanctum of the Rich Jerk.

During this day, you’ll get to see how my staff and I run
a multi-million dollar company.

You’ll get to see the nuts & bolts of my business:
-how orders are processed and fulfilled
-how my customer service operates
-how joint ventures are created
-where my ummpa looompas take a dump
-how genius ideas are created from scratch
-how branding happens
-how systems are created and maintained
-how to build infrastructure
-how to run a backend that rakes in cash on autopilot
-how to manage numbers, including accountants & attorneys
-how I only hire two kinds of people….geniuses and hot chicks

A few of you can even sit in on a brainstorming session
in my conference room, where we let the ideas openly flow
while we’re hopped up on energy drinks and whatever else
we can get our hands on.

After the office visit, we’ll shuttle you off to one of
my latest acquisitions - a multimillion dollar mansion
tucked along the California coastline. No stuffy hotel
conference rooms with the air conditioning jacked up
to Siberian winter.

And after you’ve stopped drooling, we’ll settle in for an
intimate session on the A-Z of internet marketing, Rich Jerk Style.

-Affiliate Program Promotion Domination
-Product Creation
-Character Development and Brand Building
-How to Build a Business, Not a 1 Man Show

Then…

An Intimate fireside Q & A with me, the Rich Jerk. Where I’ll
take questions, and tell you how I did what I did, and what the
fu*k you should be doing. And we’ll go all night if you want to.
Or we can finish early and go party hardcore downtown - VIP all
the way. Doesn’t matter to me.

Now for those of you who want the whole enchilada…..

Come a day early and I’ll also be revealing my super secret
affiliate program domination software that I’ve been using since
early 2006 to clean up. And I have plenty of 6 figure Commission
Junction checks to show how well this software works. You’ll see
them in a few days.

With this one of a kind miracle software, you can put your Adwords,
Overture, or MSN tracking code on the “thank you” page of ANY
affiliate program in the world, with the click of a button. And there’s
nothing they can do about it, because it’s INVISIBLE to them. And,
its 100% legal. My programmer is seriously a sick fu*k.

You’ll instantly know which keywords are converting for you, as if
you owned each of the sites yourself.

I’ll be launching this software to the world in February 2007, and
you’ll not only get a sneak peak at it, you’ll go home with a license
to use the PRO version free for LIFE. You’ll have it weeks before
anyone else.

And when I launch my software to the world, you’ll be rooting for
me to make millions in the first 5 minutes won’t you?

Well you should be.

Because I’m going to share my launch profits with EVERY person
who comes to my intimate gathering.

I’ll tell you exactly how much I’m sharing in a few days. And I think
you’ll be shocked.

How many big time “gurus” have offered you a piece of their big
launch profits? NONE. Never. Nobody has the balls to do that. Except me.

I’ll be the first, and you can bet that’s going to piss off a lot of these
co*ksuckers.

I don’t give a sh*t. Fu*k em.

If you want to be in bed with a player like me, this is your chance. And
this opportunity will NOT come around again.

More details to come in the next few days.

So let’s get rich together…..bitches.

-RJ

P.S. I’ll drop you a note later this week with more details.
Next Tuesday will be the day that I start taking applications
for the whole enchilada. And oh yeah, I reserve the right to
deny any person from coming to my private field trip
FOR ANY REASON. Real players only. You’ve been warned!