The Rich Jerk is Going Broke…..

Dear (intentionally blank),

Why didn’t I call you a loser? It’s simple. I think you deserve a break.

You see, my latest slew of emails about whatever is on my sick mind has struck a chord with more people than any emails I’ve ever sent out. This has spawned a lot of speculation as to my mental state, and whether or not I should be locked up.

I have people whose sole job is filtering out my HATE MAIL. And they have been working overtime.

Even my employees can’t believe some of the stuff I’ve sent out lately, and they’re used to my dimensia.

The basic theme seems to be that I’m HATED by 95% of the people who respond to my emails. For the other 5% who appreciate my warped sense of humor and underhanded tactics, I applaud you.

I’m a REAL person. I’m not quite the Devil Incarnate. I’ve actually been known to have sane thoughts on occasion. My therapist can vouch for that. I take a cocktail of antidepressants, relaxors, and anti-psychotics every day. It’s some good sh*t.

Sometimes I go too far for some of you, but I’ll never apologize for that. Because that’s who I am. My success and wealth happened so fast, and with that came the women, the houses, the cars, the power, etc. So it’s easy to
let that go to your head. And my head is quite swollen.

I’m not saying that I’m not the fu*king man, because I most certainly am. And I’m obviously better than you…that’s just a fact. But I’m also only human….well, maybe slightly better than human.

I’m even thinking of getting a robotic arm to replace my left arm.

But regardless, I want people to know that I’ve seen what’s being said about me all over forums, blogs, etc.

I’m going broke, I’m being sued, I’m being investigated by the FBI, I’ve gone to far, I’ve lost my mind, I’ve lost credibility, I’m a neo-nazi, I’m a racist, I’m a terrorist sympathizer, I’m making a last ditch effort to save my floundering company, my ebook is no longer relevant, I’m a one hit wonder, my methods are bullsh*t, my penis is extremely large……blah blah blah.

Let me address all of that right here and now, in a no BS, no hype, no selling email.

Any rumor that I’m going broke, or that my company isn’t doing well is absolutely insane. Fact is, I’ve never been as successful as I am RIGHT NOW. Investments, real estate, affiliate marketing, coaching, and some amazing JV’s have contributed to the most profitable year of my life. And next year looks to trump this one 10 fold.

Now what about lawsuits and legal stuff? First of all, I just won a huge lawsuit. And I’m currently suing several other individuals and companies. I am not presently a defendant in ANY cases whatsoever. My lawyers are superstars. Watching them mop up the floor with my “problems” is not only financially rewarding, but also extremely fun to watch.

And how about investigations? I’ve heard things about the FBI seizing stuff from me, investigating me, and that it’s being reported on CNN. Look, I haven’t heard from ANY governmental agencies, and I would love nothing more than free PR on CNN. But it just hasn’t happened. If anyone wants to make that happen, let’s talk. Otherwise, shut the fu*k up.

Is there anything else? Oh yeah, the whole 9/11 thing. I offered “companionship” to 9/11 widows. That’s called “shock value”. It got you pissed didn’t it? Good. Now you won’t forget me anytime soon. And THAT is what really bothers you….that I’m just so fu*king vile, yet EFFECTIVE. It gets under your skin. But you keep reading anyway. You know deep down you love it. Otherwise you would’ve left a long time ago. So shut the fu*k up,
and go create your own empire.

Intelligent people know the 9/11 thing was all in jest anyway. I love the USA. It’s where I’ve made my fortune. And like I said before, you have no idea what charities, non-profits, or strip clubs I contribute to. So go do whatever it is that you do, and leave me the fu*k alone.

SIDENOTE - if any beautiful ladies do need some companionship, whether you are a widow or not, you know where to find me.

And finally I’ll comment on the rumors that my book is outdated, useless, a one hit wonder, etc. The simple fact is my book is one of the most successful (if not “the” most successful) ebooks ever in existence. I’m still # 6 or # 7 in Clickbank. And ebook sales are NOTHING compared to my other streams of revenue. Are the tactics outdated?

Well, I know a guy who used the tactics in my book to make over $200k in just 10 days THIS month. Without any product launches whatsoever. Just PPC. Can you do that?

My book has also been updated over 100 times. Any customer can log in at http://www.therichjerk.com/login and get the latest version for free.
My forum at http://www.therichjerk.com/forum also has over 20,000 members. It’s become one of the most visited and important forums in internet marketing today.

Now 2007 is around the corner and I have so many new products coming, your head will spin. And they will all DOMINATE.

One more thing. to anyone who doubt the power and influence of the Rich Jerk…I’ve recently been invited to a super secret event with only the top 20 internet marketers in the world. These people know I’m the sh*t. If you don’t realize that by now, YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE. The event is being held by a guy that does over $20 million a year on the internet selling INFORMATION. A guy you’ve never heard of. And it’s not in the “make money” industry. Maybe I’ll tell you about him one day.

I’d also like to take a second and give a big kudos to John Reese, who is a competitor of mine, on his recent acquisition of Income.com. He will be providing free content on it throughout 2007. That’s a fat domain name. He’s obviously a major player. What am I gonna do about it? Muhuhahaha….Wait and see in ‘07.

OK, that’s it. RJ (real person for today) is now signing off. Which RJ will show up next time? I think we all know the answer to that.

Later Losers,

Da Man

P.S. The Norelco Bodygroom really did add an extra optical inch to my shlong. See the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsbXwzqlqsU