I owe some of you a favor

Dear Loser,

I just shipped out a bunch of stuff to some of
you….and you aren’t even expecting it.

No promos, no selling, nothing like that.
Just a bunch of cool sh*t I put together, most of
which is illegal to ship across state lines I think.

Oh well. Have fun with it.

And if I didn’t send you anything, it’s because you
didn’t PAY ATTENTION.

So pay attention now, because I’m gonna tell you
something useful.

As you probably know by now, I hate seminars, teleseminars,
interviews, and all of that crap because its always
just re-hashed junk told by insatiable idiots who can’t
get enough self-gratification.

Every wannabe out there tries to come out with some
retarded internet marketing product so they can get
quasi-famous among the measly 2,000 people who
might care at the Warrior Forum.

Let me ask you this:

Why the fu*k would you want to brand your own name?

Good luck ever selling your sh*tty company when its
all about your name.

I think you’ll see a lot of “gurus” realizing this
in the near future. They’ll start coming up with
brandable names that encompass their products WITHOUT
their name. (Rich Jerk? 2005? Anyone?)

Speaking of gurus, I want to talk about one of them
right now. This dude named Yanik Silver. You may have
heard of him. He invited me to speak at his annual
seminar when my RJ guide hit the market in 2005.
My response: “Fu*k NO”.

(here’s a link to the seminar I’m talking about)
Underground Seminar

But he did convince me to come incognito. Actually, it
took a LOT of convincing. But eventually I agreed to fly
out to Washington DC with the babes (first class all the
way of course), and we got a big ass suite. Yanik
covered all expenses. (Damn straight!)

I’d never been to a seminar for more than 5 minutes
before without puking, so I wasn’t exactly thrilled.
But I was comped a bunch of sh*t and the “perks”
almost made it worth my time.

One of the lesser perks was an all VIP dinner. I was
interested to see how these big name internet marketing guys
(my competition?) interacted with each other. Were they all in this thing
together, collectively raping the same customers and passing
them on to the next? Were they all homosexual swingers?

I had no idea, so I inconspicuously joined a group of about
40 supposed VIP’s hand-picked by Yanik and we headed to
dinner. No one knew who I was except Yanik.

That night I got liquored up as usual and mentioned to someone
who I was. Next thing I know, I’m a fu*kin’ rockstar
with “gurus” gushing all around me.

“Hey RJ you’re awesome.”
“Hey RJ how did you do it?”
“Hey RJ, is that your penis on the floor?”

Instead of getting my questions answered, I was getting
hammered with questions. I vowed to myself that this would be
the last time I went anywhere I’d be recognized without security.

Needless to say, I got the Hell out of there.

So anyway, back to the seminar, dubbed “The Underground Seminar”.
It had this whole Austin Powers theme and half-naked chicks
on roller skates. The Mini Me actor was there. I take craps
bigger than him.

Against my better judgment I listened to a couple of the
speakers for a few minutes while walking in and out of the hotel,
passing by the conference room.

To my surprise, there were a couple of guys that I didn’t
HATE (Specifically Drew Kossoff & Jeff Mulligan were two that I remember).

There were also a few speakers that I wanted to physically harm.
SERIOUSLY. But it wasn’t the proper place or time for that.

By the way, you should have seen the buzz generated when Yanik
announced to the audience that I was secretly in the room. Haha.
Since no one really knew who I was, some clueless idiots actually
tried to talk to me as if I was just another peon in attendance.
I said “Oh no you didunt” and did 2 snaps in their faces. I’m old-school.

All in all, I didn’t have a terrible experience.

I know….I’m as shocked as you are.

So guess what?

I’m going back to the Underground seminar again this year. Mostly
for the perks (I met some killer strippers in DC)

If you wanna check it out go here:

(I found a link that skips the stupid opt in page)
Underground Seminar

Remember, if you see me there DON’T come and talk to me unless you
have something interesting, good-looking or expensive to give me.

Later,

RJ