So, you’ve got your website set up, you’re getting traffic, and you finally feel like a “real” internet marketer.

But there’s a problem…

YOU AIN’T MAKING NO SALES!!!!!!

Oh, whatever could be wrong? Why are you not making any MFM? Are you not getting the targeted traffic? Are you not using the right keywords? What’s the problem??????

Chances are, if you’re not making any conversions, you got two problems….

1. Your copy sucks.
2. Your sales process blows.

I guarantee you that’s the problem, because every website out there that doesn’t convert has those two problems! Let’s go over each one…

1. Your Copy Sucks

For those of you not hip to my jive, “Copy” is short for “Sales Copy,” which is short for “Sales Letter,” which is short for “Buy my shit right now, moron. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.”

Sales copy is the lifeblood of conversion. If it sucks, it ain’t gonna make you no sales. If its awesome, it’s gonna make you lots of sales.

So you have two options here - the first is learn to write good copy yourself. The second is hire someone to write it for you. Now, you can hire an unlimited number of douchebags to write your copy, but just because you pay someone to do it doesn’t mean it’s going to be good. Any copywriter I’ve ever hired to do my stuff (with very few exceptions) has sucked. I end up writing most of my sales material myself because I’m awesome and better than everyone else.

Therefore I HIGHLY recommend you learn to write good sales copy yourself. If there’s one skill that will make you more money online than you know what to do with, it’s the ability to write powerful marketing messages. I talk a little bit about how to write copy in my book - but in case you’re too cheap to even read THAT, here are some free resources anyone interested in writing good sales copy should check out:

The Michel Fortin Blog - Yes, he’s French, he smells funny, and he looks funny too, but he’s got a good blog with lots of good copywriting info. Plus the message board is filled with good tips from people who aren’t complete morons. Check it out.

The Gary Halbert Letter - Gary Halbert was a drunk, a womanizer, and a convicted felon. (My kind of guy!) He was also one of the most brilliant copywriters of our time. And you can find all his teachings for free at the Gary Halbert Letter. Pay particular attention to his “Boron Letters” because that’s the stuff he wrote while in jail and had nothing to do BUT think about marketing. Brilliant.

Bencivenga Bullets - Okay, so you can’t say or spell his name worth a damn, but he’s a great copywriter, and he has a free email list where he shares some great stuff. Check it out.

Now that you’ve got your site copy covered, let’s talk about your sales process…

Your sales process is what you take your customer through in order to get them to buy crap from you. It’s basically a series of actions you put your prospect through to get them to buy.

For instance, let’s say you have a landing page, and a sales page. When people visit your site, the first thing they see is a landing page, and then they have to opt in to your email list to see your sales page.

So your sales process is:

Opt In -> Offer -> Sale

Once you have a sales process, you need to work on optimizing that process. So on the landing page, make an offer that will make people WANT to opt in. Then on the sales page, make an offer that makes people WANT to buy. For instance:

Opt in: Get a free CD shipped to you on how to quit smoking.
Offer: Buy my “stop smoking” pill and quit smoking in 7 days or less.

Once you have your sales process optimized, you can start adding to it. For instance, you can add in an upsell, and a backend sale.

Opt In -> Offer -> Upsell -> Sale -> New Offer -> Backend Sale

And then you optimize that process. And you keep on improving it until you are able to squeeze every dime you can out of your customer.

When you have killer copy, coupled with an optimized sales process, you’ll be making hella conversions on wheels, baby!!!

Love me. Love me long, love me hard.

Later,

-RJ
(RJ Headquarters)

Dear Loser,

I know there are probably a lot of you morons out there wasting piles of cash on Google Adwords. Well, I had one of my lackeys (ie: “employees”) whip up a little video showcasing one of my latest and greatest strokes of brilliance.

It’s a technique I’m using to *LAZER* target adwords campaigns, not just for the Rich Jerk company, but also for new affiliate offers we’re testing out privately.

I’m sure you guys will be racing over to your adwords accounts to trick it out RJ style right after the video.

Video #1 here:
Click Here For My Super Ninja Google Demographics Technique (TM)

Later,

-RJ
(RJ Headquarters)

P.S. The video takes 60 seconds to load. Patience! You’ll see it’s worth the wait.

Dear Loser,

A lot of you guys out there, who are affiliates for stuff, are playing the Google Adwords game, right? And as we all know, Google is the online equivalent of the creepy, popular, born-again stepdad who’s boinking your mom and trying to be a good guy, but he’s just a loser you secretly wish would die.

(Daddy issues? Nah…)

Anyway, if you’re using Adwords to get affiliate traffic, you are probably having a hard time - especially with their dang quality score nonsense.

Well, here’s a nifty little trick I use for my affiliate marketing efforts you should definitely begin using immediately.

However - it DOES cost a bit of money, so all you broke-ass losers out there, stop reading this post right now because I don’t want to hear you bitching about how broke you are - especially if you can’t afford the $10 it’s gonna cost you to do this little ditty.

All right, that said, here’s the trick…

Go to GoDaddy.com, and register a brand new domain name with your main keyword in it somewhere. So if we were an affiliate for some car product, we’d get a domain like “www.findanewdamncar.com”

Once we pay our $8 (or whatever) to buy that domain, we set it up so that domain is masked to our affiliate link for the car program. You can do this pretty easily in GoDaddy. Just go into the control panel for that domain and go to “forwarding,” but instead of forwarding the domain, you’ll be masking it. This means that domain name is still in the address bar when a visitor visits the merchant’s site, even though your affiliate link was the page that loaded.

Then you go and create your google adwords campaigns using this link. The key here is to have your main keyword IN the link. If you have this, it will actually bump up your quality score. Use this as the display and destination URL.

What does this do for you?

Well, number 1 - as I already said, Google will increase your quality score if you have your primary keyword that you’re targeting in your domain name.

Number 2 - If your affiliate program is sucking, you can go into GoDaddy and change the affiliate link. If you went into Google to change your link, your ads would stop running until the changes were approved. This way, you can test numerous programs and not miss a beat or mess with your adwords. (You can even set up a split test link and test multiple affiliate programs at the same time by doing this)

Number 3 - It makes it hard for people to spy on you. If you have multiple keywords you’re targeting, get a new domain name for each one, each with the keyword you’re targeting in it. This way, if someone stumbles across one domain of yours and SpyFus that mother, they won’t have all your keywords and ads, just a small piece of a larger puzzle.

Yes, if you get really into this, like me, you’ll be buying up lots of domain names, and it can get expensive. But an added benefit is that a targeted domain actually tends to increase conversions, so this technique could end up making you more money than you spent in the long run.

Later,

-RJ
(RJ Headquarters)

Dear Loser,

Check this:

JoeF over on the Warriors Forum posted this:

JoeF writes:
Hey All,

I can’t figure this out for the life of me and I’m hoping you can help.

I have a Yoga/Breathing program for athletes (with a unique twist) that I created.

If you were doing it, would you create a general “catch all” website for all sports and athletes - trying to brand yourself/program as the go-to/authority. Which of course could be broken down into individual sports inside the site in a message forum (or whatever).

Or…

Would you create 10 or so sites and put a spin on the general program for each individual sport (i.e. Yoga for Golf, Yoga for Volleyball, etc…)?

I’ve been researching to no avail.

I would be very grateful for any insights.

Thank you,
Joe

First of all - you can’t be everything to all people. If you have a product that could be applied to many fields, don’t be a “jack of all trades.” Why? Because a jack of all trades is a master of none (ie: it sucks, you suck, everything about your product sucks.)

Let’s say a football player comes to your lame yoga (with a twist!) website, and he sees lots of stuff for tennis, basketball, and football, he might be interested. But let’s say he then goes to another site that JUST caters to football players. Which one do you think he’s more likely to respond to?

That’s right - the one that’s catered to his sport!

This is true in all markets. Specialization sells better than generalization. So make a new, unique website for each field you want to be in and drive targeted visitors to that.

But that’s not why I’m using my valuable time to write this post. I actually want to talk about something far more interesting.

Notice Joe talked about how he’s marketing some type of YOGA to hard core athletes.

Now, I got nothing against Yoga. I love to go to Yoga classes to pick up hot MILFs. It’s fun. But do you really think some pro (or even amateur) athlete is going to wake up one day and say “You know what? I really want to do some freakin’ yoga!”

HELL NO.

Why? Because YOGA is something hot MILFs do in their spare time to keep from getting a fat ass. Athletes are looking for a “magic bullet” to give them a competitive edge. A pill, a new technique, a new training method, new equipment… whatever.

So if you have a product you’re selling, don’t sell what the “twist” is. No matter what twist you give something like “Yoga” it’s still going to sound LAME.

Selling is about getting people excited about what you have to offer, and convincing them they need to get it from YOU.

And we do this by focusing on people’s pain, not your special “twist” or unique selling proposition or whatever you’re hippy draft-dodging professor taught you in business school. (or “be useless school,” as I like to call it!)

You focus on people’s pain, and offer them a solution, and the solution just happens to be YOGA. See the difference there?

I’ll explain further for those of you who ride the short bus…

Let’s say you have a product that teaches people how to quit smoking using hypnosis. In all your ads and marketing, you say shit like “Use the power of hypnosis to magically cure you of your need to smoke!” or some crap like that.

In this example, you’re using your “twist” to try and sell your crap. In other words, you’re selling the fact that you’re using hypnosis to help people quit smoking (Hey, that’s unique right? Right???).

The problem with that is not many people believe hypnosis works. So before you can convince them you can help them to stop smoking, you gotta convince them that hypnosis is the way to go.

And that is a “business bummer.” Because you ain’t gonna make a lot of sales if you have to take the time to create credibility with your potential customer.

But check this out - if you focus on people’s PAIN, instead of your lame-ass twist, you don’t have to convince them of anything. Their focus of attention goes to where they DON’T want to be, so when you finally show them a way out of that pain, they will JUMP on it without thinking.

So let’s say in your marketing for your hypnosis/stop smoking product, you do something like:

“Is your addiction to cigarettes ruining your life? Do your clothes always smell like stale nicotine? Can’t get a date because your teeth are stained nicotine yellow? Do your friends and family not like being around you because it affects their health? Do you get short of breath and cough painfully? Do you have to sneak out of your kid’s recital to catch a smoke and let your child down that you couldn’t sit still and watch them for two minutes? Are you worried you’re headed to an early graved proceeded by a long, painful, and expensive disease like cancer or emphysema? Have you tried all the pills and patches and found to your despair nothing works? Well, I’ve found the secret to help you to stop smoking, and it’s a secret no one else knows - but it’s brutally effective, and I’ll reveal it all to you when you buy my course…”

See the difference?

In one case, you talk about hypnosis. In the other, you talk about all the pain people who smoke experience. Which is more effective?

Selling is about CONVINCING people they need your product. When you focus on people’s pain, you harp on the fact that these people desperately need a solution. Then, when you’ve made them experience all the pain they can endure and they’re practically BEGGING for a solution, you offer them one (yours), and they buy. No special “twist” needed.

That’s how you make the MFM.

It’s that simple.

Why do you think I recommend you make review websites talking about how you got scammed a billion and one times? Because you’re able to focus on people’s PAIN, and then offer them a solution - because you experienced the same pain and found something that got rid of that pain for you. That’s why if you do what papa RJ tells you, you make money - because I know my shit.

Okay, now off to find some more MILFs to hang out with.

Later,

-RJ
(RJ Headquarters)

Dear loser,

So some incredible duche - like, the MOTHER of all losers - posted a rant on this blog a few days ago bitching and whining about how he can’t make money on Google.

The Rich Boy spewed:
Google adsense is the most scammed and overcharging click network that exists. The majority of the clicks are FRAUD on top of that. If you spend $3750 on advertising on a site with 100,000 views, you probably will only make $1000.

Google is home of the WORST PPC conversions I’ve ever witnessed. Of course, google doesn’t want you to know or think that. But take $10,000 on adwords, and TRY to make a profit. Well, I DID, and never made a dime of profit.

$10 grand, flushed away in clicks who never intended to buy SHIT.

But then, I spend $200 a month on PRIVATE advertising on blogs, and I make a 500% return on investment?? How the hell can google try to say they are better than private advertising when i make -200% on google, but +500% on private ads.

Take a warning from me, GOOGLE ADWORDS IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BE PROFITABLE. Sure, if you’re a ‘godlike pro’ with tens of thousands of $$$ to BLOW, and a team of super smart monkey specialists testing different ads all day long….you might be able to pull a profit.

But even the ABOVE average internet marketer will quickly find out that google adwords is basically a scam.

Boo-freakin’-hoo.

You know how I can spot a loser? Like, a real, honest-to-god, beyond all help because they just like to wallow in their own loser-juice Loser? When I hear someone complain about something and call it a SCAM because they can’t get it to work.

There are ass-loads of small businesses out there making google work for them. But this douche is running around screaming about how Google is nothing but clickfraud. Well, I got a bank account that says otherwise, bitch-boy. So clean the stupid out of your ears, because papa RJ is gonna drop a knowledge bomb and hiroshima your sorry ass.

First of all - Google’s content network is good. Why? Because they have SO MANY WEBSITES in their network, your small internet business can get a huge reach instantly. This gives you a big advantage. But like douche-boy said, there IS clickfraud going on. But let’s face it, click fraud is actually a small piece of the puzzle. Most of it is just junk traffic from poor quality websites.

And in a network like Google’s, you’re going to get lots of poor quality web traffic - because their network is so big. That’s just the nature of the beast. Not all websites get the kind of traffic that are going to convert for your offer. But the trick to making the Google Content network work is to FIND these websites that convert for you, and focus your advertising dollars on them.

We do this in two ways…

WAY #1: PPSeer.com

PPSeer is a service that tracks what sites are sending you visitors. But it also allows you to track actions from these websites. When I set up a Google campaign for a site I own, I use PPSeer to track conversions as well as Google’s conversion tracking.

Because while Google will show you which campaigns are converting in the content network, they won’t tell you jack about which websites are converting. But PPSeer will. So when you make a sale for a google campaign, you pop on over to PPSeer and you can see the website that actually made that sale for you.

But more important than seeing the websites that make that sale, are seeing all the websites that AREN’T making you sales!

In fact, you’ll find a handful of sites that are sending you incredible amounts of JUNK TRAFFIC.

So what you do is you take those sites, and you go into Google, and you exclude those junk traffic sites from your campaign immediately. Then, your ads stop showing up on these sites, and you stop wasting money on non-converting traffic.

Bitchin’, right?

Well, it gets even better. Log into PPSeer every day and take a look at the website clicks. If a website gets 200 clicks and no conversions, ban that sucker in your Google account. That’s statistically significant enough to know that website ain’t gonna convert for you.

So when you start eliminating websites that are sending you the junk/nonconverting traffic, your Google spend goes WAY DOWN. Because you’re only targeting the sites that have proven to have good traffic for you.

Way #2: Placement Targeting

The next step in this technique is to take the sites that ARE converting, and create a placement targeting campaign in google to target those sites specifically. This way, you can make it so your ad shows up on these websites directly, and you can increase your ad spend to get more of their quality traffic.

Another way you can use placement targeting to your advantage is to automatically exclude all the “big” websites from your content network spend. I’m talking about sites like Myspace and Youtube and any other big site that uses adsense. Then, you target these big sites specifically through placement targeting to see if they convert. If they don’t, syanora. If they do, raise your ad spend.

What you’ll find is on these big sites, you’ll have certain types of pages that convert for you, but most won’t. In placement targeting, you can actually eliminate the pages on the site that aren’t converting, and target your ad spend for that site to just the pages that do convert for you.

It’s actually pretty cool.

Also - use your site and category exclusion feature in Google! In addition to banning lame websites that don’t convert, you can actually go in and eliminate entire categories of web pages. Did you know part of the content network is error pages and parked domain pages? You can actually choose to exclude your ad showing up on those infamous junk traffic pages! You can also do the same for video sharing sites, rude/crude humor sites, etc.

Doing this will also give you mucho control over where your ad shows up, which means less money being spent and more money being made.

Then there’s negative keywords. I don’t want to get into that now because that’s more writing and I’ve already wasted enough time on this post (I could be getting a massage right now for Chrissakes!). But if you use negative keywords, you’ll exclude your ad from showing up in the wrong context.

Oh - did I mention doing all this stuff raises your Click Through Rate and lowers your bid price for keywords? Yeah, that’s sort of important.

Okay, knowledge bomb dropped. Bask it the glory of it’s radioactive awesomeness.

Later,

-RJ
(RJ Headquarters)

P.S. And on the clickfraud front, use the ad scheduling feature in Google to minimize this. Most Clickfraud happens between 1 am and 5 am (you know, the time period where all those sweatshops in india clicking on links are working?). So just schedule your ads not to be displayed in that time.

Dear Loser,

Some dude named “zsolt” over on the Warrior’s Forum wrote this post about how every niche is occupied.

zsolt complained:
Of course, not every niche is occupied, but it sure seems like to me more often than not. I am newbie who just started to give some serious thoughts to IM. I don’t have any experience or background in any kind of business or marketing. I have read many ebook lately, and 99% of them said you gotta find a niche where is a demand, but the competition is not too fierce. OK, sounds simple. But it not. In fact I find this task downright hard. One can only be good at so many thing. So you start searching among those topics and niches. You think you have some idea that might just work. There is a demand, you’re good at it, have the needed skills. But then comes the part of “what about competition”. And this is where I lose all my faith and enthusiasm. No matter what niche I have researched recently, I find that there are already at least a few well established names, companies, websites. There are alreaedy people who made themselves home in the niche, have good reputation, tons of traffic, excelent search engine rankings, etc.

I feel stuck at the very first step every ebook begins with: “find a niche”. I feel like I am not making progress. I have doubts, fears. Shall I just jump into a niche where there are already some big dogs? Or keep on looking and find some very exotic niche there’s probably not much demand for, and I don’t know a lot about?
I got the newbies’ blues, and don’t yet know how to overcome it.

This afternoon I thought I had an excellent idea. My excitment only lasted a few minutes when I found out that my “this gotta be a winner” idea is not unique at all.

Gurus, newbies…how do/did you cope with frustration of not finding that money making niche.

So I know there are probably a lot of you dudes (and dudettes, I’m not sexist… rofl) out there who feel the same way as zdolt over here. You’re trying to find that golden “untapped” niche that you can sweep into and make mucho dinero with little to no effort.

Well, let me be the first to tell you - you’re wasting your time.

This is OLD SCHOOL niche marketing, jack. Underachiever-style. Maybe when you could get $0.05 cent clicks in Google, finding these untapped niches was profitable. But no longer. Listen - no one has EVER gotten rich marketing to niches.

Have they been successful? Sure! It’s possible to make an extra $5K a month doing hard core niche marketing stuff. But you gotta find these niches, then you gotta test them out, and if you do find a winner, you gotta guard it closely or else have someone swoop in and ruin your business with competition.

But while you’re working your ass off in some niche that no one has ever heard of, I’ll be making even more millions killing it in a BIG niche.

See - you gotta forget about these little niches no one has ever heard about. The big money is in the really COMPETITIVE niches. The ones with billions of competitors. In fact, the more competition, the BETTER!

Why?

Because if you see a lot of people in the market, that means there’s TONS of money to be made in it! The more competition there is in a market, the better proof you have that market is sustainable.

The big markets break down into 3 categories:

-Health
-Wealth
-Relationships

Focus on those three niches and only those three. Why? Because there are literally BILLIONS of dollars in each of these fields.

Then, you can further sub-niche these suckers to find something you can cash in on. For instance:

Health: Weight loss, supplements, exercise & fitness, fat burners, natural cures, etc.

Wealth: Make money, stocks, bonds, trading, credit card debt, mortgages, loans, etc.

Relationships: Viagra, male enhancements, better sex, dating sites, etc.

These are all very competitive niches to go into - but that’s where the MONEY is, baby! Don’t waste your time killing yourself trying to make a couple hundred bucks in the sausage making niche. Instead, kill yourself trying to make a couple hundred thousand bucks in one of these super-competitive niches.

I know what you’re thinking - “But RJ, I’m a total noob! I want to start out small and work my way up!”

Pft!

Listen, bub… cut your teeth on something ambitious, and the small stuff is a walk in the park. I made my first millions teaching people how to get out of credit card debt, not teaching people how to macrome. Get with the program. If you are playing with the big boys, you’ll have to raise yourself to their level to compete.

If you’re playing with the retarded losers, you just stay at their level and compete.

Which would you rather do?

Spend your time going for the money. The hidden niches are a waste of your resources.

Later,

-RJ
(RJ Headquarters)