Hey Losers,

After careful review, I have determined the winner of the ass-kiss contest to be none other than Mike Hock.  Here is his winning kiss:

Mikehock kissed:
RJ,

You are a f*ckin GENIUS!

Great new Blog!…

I’m glad you fired that putz who is not even worthy of woring in the same room/building…no…no…no…STATE as you.

I hope you gave him a good kick in the ass while you were giving him the boot.

I like the stripper hanging upsidedown from the pole. SEX sells baby!

Only you would have the internet marketing GENIUS to put a stripper on your blog about making money.

There sheer concept that you created – a no name no face leader in there respected field is beyoned BRILLIANT!

And you have helped countless people make tons of money putting these simple internet marketing strategies to work – In a way that a freakin retard could understand.

I guess you really did some research into your target market…LOL

This blog kicks your last Blogs ass – HERE’S WHY……………….

#1. Half naked upside down stripper on blog – YES!

#2. Half naked stripper on pole hanging upside down!

#3. Do I need another reason?

Just take a look to your right——————————>

All the usefull links and other cool sh*t that wasn’t on the last Blog.

$$$ Kudo’s…..RJ – Sheer marketing Magic!

The man throws internet mareting EVENTS at the F*ckn PLAYBOY Mansion!

I would give my first born Child/Mother/Grandmother/My dog….and I’ll through in my girlfriend to – just to sit in the same room with you just so I could learn from osmosiss.

HOLD ON…………….My lips are getting sore….

Thank you for the great Blog /site and the kick in the pants I needed.

You are the KING dam it!

Thanks!

PS…Remember – Mikehock RULES!

It was a difficult decision, because there were a lot of great kiss-asses.  What put Mike over the top is that besides his meticulous attention to the half-naked woman on my website, he was the only one who offered me his girlfriend, grandmother, and dog.

Way to go, Loser.  You just won yourself a free website critique from one of my top marketers.

Go to the “Questions” tab on the blog and send in an email with the website address and your contact info, and my guys will contact you.  I won’t, though, I’m much too important to do that.

Later Losers,

-RJ

S’up Losers.

After I decided to start blogging again, I came back and realized how embarassingly bad my blog looked.  I’m RJ, baby – I do everything first class.  So I fired my lame-ass programmer and hired a new one who wasn’t as lame and told him to make me an awesome blog worthy of the Rich Jerk or I’d bang his girlfriend and put the video up on Youtube.

As you can see, the new blog is awesome.  I’m awesome.  You still suck.

So here’s the deal… register for the blog and leave your comments in this thread kissing my ass about how great my new blog is.  Tell me how much you love it and how much you love me (in a non-gay way, of course).  The commentor who’s the best kiss-ass will win a free consultation with one of my top guys who’ll critique any website you want and give you pointers on how to improve it.

Who knows?  Maybe I’ll be generous and pick more than one winner.  It depends on how well you all pucker-up.

So let me just drop my pants and bend over… now get to kissing.

Later Losers,

RJ
(RJ Headquarters)

In case you missed it because you were too busy shoveling doritos in your face while watching a Brady Bunch marathon, Rich Jerk 2 has arrived. Check it out here:

http://www.RichJerkEvolution.com

I know, I know, I keep saying 2.0 is coming. And it is. It’s just happening slower than I thought, because I want to make sure it’s nothing like anything else out there. I’m a perfectionist in that regard. Lucky for you.

In the meantime, I’ve done two things to keep you occupied:

1) You should have noticed by now that I’ve slashed the price of RJ version 1 to just $10 bucks. Check it out here:

The.RichJerk.com/site/order

2) I also added a 5 hour audio course to accompany RJ 1 – so you can follow along with me in the book as every step is explained in extreme detail. You’ll even hear from one of my top students who banked over $1 Million last year.

You can listen to the 57 mp3 recordings (1 for each page of my book) on your computer, in your car, or on your ipod. I go over every page, paragraph, idea, etc. to show you EXACTLY how to use my strategies. Don’t worry, this is MORON-PROOF. I made several versions of it until it was eventually easy enough for great-grandmother to understand. She listened to the recordings while she was in a coma for the past few months, and when she woke up even she knew how to make money. That’s when I knew I had gotten it right.

I’m going to test future products/upgrades on coma patients & mental patients to make sure it’s easy enough for even YOU to understand. If Corky can do it, you better be able to.

I’ve also begun teaching my strategies to rape victims – so they can make enough money to hunt down their perpetrators and get some sick-ass revenge. I like that sh*t. Remember “No means no”.

Although I’ve never had a woman tell me no, so I can’t relate.

To get my recordings, log into your Rich Jerk account at TheRichJerk.com/mgnt/login and select “Step 2″.

If you aren’t yet a Rich Jerk member, go to The.RichJerk.com/site/order to get my book for $10 bucks and you’ll be given the chance to add the audio course for just an additional $10 bucks.

Later losers,

RJ

Dear Loser,

I just shipped out a bunch of stuff to some of
you….and you aren’t even expecting it.

No promos, no selling, nothing like that.
Just a bunch of cool sh*t I put together, most of
which is illegal to ship across state lines I think.

Oh well. Have fun with it.

And if I didn’t send you anything, it’s because you
didn’t PAY ATTENTION.

So pay attention now, because I’m gonna tell you
something useful.

As you probably know by now, I hate seminars, teleseminars,
interviews, and all of that crap because its always
just re-hashed junk told by insatiable idiots who can’t
get enough self-gratification.

Every wannabe out there tries to come out with some
retarded internet marketing product so they can get
quasi-famous among the measly 2,000 people who
might care at the Warrior Forum.

Let me ask you this:

Why the fu*k would you want to brand your own name?

Good luck ever selling your sh*tty company when its
all about your name.

I think you’ll see a lot of “gurus” realizing this
in the near future. They’ll start coming up with
brandable names that encompass their products WITHOUT
their name. (Rich Jerk? 2005? Anyone?)

Speaking of gurus, I want to talk about one of them
right now. This dude named Yanik Silver. You may have
heard of him. He invited me to speak at his annual
seminar when my RJ guide hit the market in 2005.
My response: “Fu*k NO”.

(here’s a link to the seminar I’m talking about)
Underground Seminar

But he did convince me to come incognito. Actually, it
took a LOT of convincing. But eventually I agreed to fly
out to Washington DC with the babes (first class all the
way of course), and we got a big ass suite. Yanik
covered all expenses. (Damn straight!)

I’d never been to a seminar for more than 5 minutes
before without puking, so I wasn’t exactly thrilled.
But I was comped a bunch of sh*t and the “perks”
almost made it worth my time.

One of the lesser perks was an all VIP dinner. I was
interested to see how these big name internet marketing guys
(my competition?) interacted with each other. Were they all in this thing
together, collectively raping the same customers and passing
them on to the next? Were they all homosexual swingers?

I had no idea, so I inconspicuously joined a group of about
40 supposed VIP’s hand-picked by Yanik and we headed to
dinner. No one knew who I was except Yanik.

That night I got liquored up as usual and mentioned to someone
who I was. Next thing I know, I’m a fu*kin’ rockstar
with “gurus” gushing all around me.

“Hey RJ you’re awesome.”
“Hey RJ how did you do it?”
“Hey RJ, is that your penis on the floor?”

Instead of getting my questions answered, I was getting
hammered with questions. I vowed to myself that this would be
the last time I went anywhere I’d be recognized without security.

Needless to say, I got the Hell out of there.

So anyway, back to the seminar, dubbed “The Underground Seminar”.
It had this whole Austin Powers theme and half-naked chicks
on roller skates. The Mini Me actor was there. I take craps
bigger than him.

Against my better judgment I listened to a couple of the
speakers for a few minutes while walking in and out of the hotel,
passing by the conference room.

To my surprise, there were a couple of guys that I didn’t
HATE (Specifically Drew Kossoff & Jeff Mulligan were two that I remember).

There were also a few speakers that I wanted to physically harm.
SERIOUSLY. But it wasn’t the proper place or time for that.

By the way, you should have seen the buzz generated when Yanik
announced to the audience that I was secretly in the room. Haha.
Since no one really knew who I was, some clueless idiots actually
tried to talk to me as if I was just another peon in attendance.
I said “Oh no you didunt” and did 2 snaps in their faces. I’m old-school.

All in all, I didn’t have a terrible experience.

I know….I’m as shocked as you are.

So guess what?

I’m going back to the Underground seminar again this year. Mostly
for the perks (I met some killer strippers in DC)

If you wanna check it out go here:

(I found a link that skips the stupid opt in page)
Underground Seminar

Remember, if you see me there DON’T come and talk to me unless you
have something interesting, good-looking or expensive to give me.

Later,

RJ