Dear Losers,

Check out this question some snotrag asked me a while back:

I need some help on how to get clicks to convert into sales! I have used the
AdWords demographic strategies and have had over 2000 Clicks between 5
campaigns. I ran each campaign until it had around 350 clicks. I need some help
as to how I can improve my sales via PPC.

-Steven

I actually hear this a lot – especially from newbie marketers who still don’t really understand what it takes to make real, live cash on the internet.

Look – just because you get CLICKS on your happy little “ads” on Google doesn’t mean DIDDILY.

SQUAT.

NADA.

Why is this?  Simple… clicks do not equal quality.  I could buy an ad under the keyword “Johnny Depp” for my website, and literally get 5,000 clicks in one day, and spend thousands of dollars in ad costs.

But I don’t.  Wanna know why?

Because even though I’m incredibly good looking, charismatic, filthy rich, and most of all – modest (just like Johnny Depp), that famous actor has absolutely nothing to do with my product, my market, OR my target demographic.

Ya’ feel me, dawg?

If you want your PPC campaigns to start converting to sales, you need to stop thinking like a desperate loser marketer and start thinking like… **drum roll please** … YOUR CUSTOMER.

(Its a stretch, I know, but bear with me here…)

When choosing your keywords, you MUST think like someone who is searching for what you have to offer.  See, not all keywords are created equal.  There are some keywords that people who are ready and willing to buy will search for, and there are some keywords that people who are just mildly interested will search for.

The typical breakdown is this:

1.  Buyer Keywords – very specific, large in number, but low click volume.  However, they convert the best.

2.  Searcher Keywords – very general, low in number, but high click volume.  They barely convert, if at all.

What we’re talking about here is the difference between the keywords “make money” and “ebook on how to make money online.”

One keyword is very general, will get you lots of clicks, and very little sales.  The other keyword is very targeted, will get relatively few clicks, but will have a higher conversion rate – mostly because someone typing in that phrase already knows what they are looking for and wants to buy.

Understand – the key to making money online isn’t CONVINCING people to buy.  It’s finding people who already WANT to buy and putting your offer in front of them first.  So if your clicks aren’t converting to sales, you need to focus on two things…

ONE:  Find better keywords and more relelvant ads to advertise under.

TWO:  Make sure your sales page doesn’t suck donkey balls.

It seems soooooo simple, doesn’t it?  But there are still morons out there who will blow all their cash on junk clicks sending people to a website that looks like a trained monkey from 1993 made it.

In both cases, you need to THINK LIKE YOUR CUSTOMER.  Get in their head.  Figure out who the type of person is that’s most likely to buy from your offer, and start thinking like them.  What would they search for?  What pain are the experiencing?  What would trigger them to WANT to buy?

And once you figure that out, USE IT!!!!!

Duh.

Marketing isn’t rocket science.  It’s fourth-grade psychology.  Take an acting class, and you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to get into the mind of a different character.  Because once you understand your customer, you’ll know how to sell to them.

Later Losers,

–RJ

P.S. If you really want to learn how to do Keyword Research and find converting keywords, check out my new course Sneaky System.  It’s awesome, and it’ll explain the whole process in a way that would make even your computer-illiterate grandmother understand.

Dear Loser,

As of the writing of this blog entry, we’ve
received 7,653 emails from my subscribers
asking questions about the upcoming Rich Jerk
Field Trip and Software Training Day. At one
point we were getting 500 emails per
hour. One customer service guy threatened
to quit, so I flicked a $100 bill
at his face and he calmed down.

My guys say we’ve already got almost 300
people saying they can’t be online Tuesday
at noon (EASTERN) to reserve their spot.
Many want to paypal me or give me their credit
card info early to lock in their spot.

That’s not gonna happen because in this case
it takes more than money to attend. You need
to fill out a short application telling me why I
should choose you over the thousands of others
who want to come.

There won’t be special treatment for anyone.
Everyone will have to wait until the clock strikes
noon on Tuesday to get access to the application.

This field trip is DEFINITELY not meant for everyone.
If you think you can’t make it, or can’t
get the investment together in time, stay out
of the way. Do not go to the special website
on Tuesday 12 noon (EASTERN).

Yesterday, some idiot posted info about my
event all over a bunch of forums. Look, if you
all keep blabbing about this thing, you’re only
going to DECREASE your chance of getting accepted.
And I really don’t feel like looking at thousands
of applications, so do me a favor and keep your mouth
shut.

The mansion can only comfortably hold a few dozen
people at a time, and I really don’t need the headache.

So DON’T annoy me by spreading this around. It’s
only intended for my most loyal followers – those
who know what I’m all about. Those who want to be the
next big thing.

Now that that’s out of the way, here is a list
of the most often asked question in the past 48 hours:

—————————————–
Who the hell do you think you are?
—————————————–

If you have to ask, you’re definitely
not invited.

————————————————–
Do You really make a lot of money online?
————————————————–

I’ve been online for 7 years. In that time
I’ve banked well into 8 figures operating
completely online.

I had one of my guys prepare a short video
of various checks I’ve received over the
past few months. Most large sums come via
wire transfer – maybe I’ll show you some of
those in a few days..

Go here to check out the video:
(Warning: may be offensive to the financially challenged)

http://www.therichjerk.com/site/proof

—————————————–
Why Are You Doing This?
—————————————–

Fair enough. You and I both know I’m not the kind of
guy to do any seminar bullsh*t. That’s why I’m
making sure this event is unlike any you’ve ever
seen or heard of before.

One obvious reason I’m doing it is because
I’m going to make a ton of money …

Not necessarily from the event itself, but more
from the DVD’s that will be created after we film it.
They will be packaged into my next infomercial.

But even then, making huge amounts of money while
essentially doing nothing isn’t that exciting anymore.

I’m getting restless.

How many cars, planes, boats, houses, etc does
somebody really need anyway?

Believe it or not, I’ve actually started to
get most of my REAL enjoyment out of creating
a stir in the marketplace, sending the other
gurus running for cover. You should see the emails
they send me begging me not to pick them out
of the pack and attack them.

It’s pretty funny.

And today I logged into our main email account and
actually read some emails. Several told me I need
to find God. Others told me to be on the
lookout for a hitman. Some just told me to
fu*k off – wonder where they got that from?

Then there were others who have seen
the light. They took my kick in the ass and moved
forward. And now they’re in the right mindset to
make some serious money and change their lives.

Mediocrity is unacceptable in my world.

If you can’t handle that, then UNSUBSCRIBE
from my emails. I don’t want you. You don’t
deserve to read my stuff.

For the rest of you, I’m actually starting
to get some enjoyment out of the new mini
rich jerks I’ve created. Keep sending me
your stories and maybe I’ll feature you with
a link to one of your websites.

———————————————–
What are the dates of the field trip? I
need to make my flight and hotel plans…
———————————————–

DO NOT book any travel arrangements until
you’ve received word that your application
was approved.

On Tuesday when you get the address of the
special website to go to, you will have to
apply to be accepted into my event.

Official Dates:
Rich Jerk Headquarters Field Trip & Mansion Session
Thursday January 11th 2007

The X-ray Software Intensive Training
Friday January 12th 2007

—————————————–
What’s this going to cost?
—————————————–

People offer me up to $10k to do one hour phone
consultations. Sometimes I do it, sometimes I don’t.
When money isn’t an object, time becomes your most
important asset. And to me, my time is worth A LOT.

If you want to come and learn my secrets, it’s not
going to be cheap. Then again what’s expensive
to you might be a total no-brainer bargain to
someone else.

If you’re really worried about the price, it’s
probably not right for you. So let’s not waste
anybody’s time. Move on and buy somebody
else’s piece of sh*t e-book for $29.

—————————————————————
Why are you giving attendees a large percentage of
the profits from the upcoming X-ray software
launch in Feb ‘07?
————————————————————–

Simple. Because it’s never been done before. All these
other guys claim to do big launches and brag about all the
money they made selling you a big box of crap.

How do even know they made that much? And if they
did, did they share it with you? No fu*kin way.

I like to do different sh*t. Stuff that nobody else will
do. Shake things up, even if it costs me money. Even
if it’s for my own Hedonistic pleasure. I’m upping the ante.
I’d like to see the other guys try this.

With me, you’ll get to see the entire launch from the
inside out. You’ll know every dollar and every
penny earned. And then you’ll get a check for your share.

Anyone who comes to both days of my field trip
will receive a cash bonus equal to 1% of my profits
from all sales of the smokin hot X-ray software in February ‘07.

Not to mention, you’ll also get to use the software well before
anyone else gets access to it. You’ll go home with a lifetime
license. Sharp members of the intensive x-ray group should be
able to make back several times the field trip
investment within the first month of using the software.

————————————————–
Do I get to stay in your mansion if I come?
————————————————–

Probably not. Although I’m toying with the idea
of letting the first 5 people who sign up
stay one night at the mansion.

————————————————————-
Can I get my money back if I don’t like the field trip?
————————————————————-

This is not some seminar, boot camp, convention, conference,
snore fest or pitch fest. We are not messing around.

You will witness the inner workings of a very PRIVATE
multi-million dollar company. You will get to look over
my shoulder during a typical business day in my headquarters.
You will also get to see my process for accepting joint venture
partners. In fact, just for attending, you’ll be pushed to the
front of the line if you ever come up with a business proposition
for me. I’ll read it personally. Other people pay me thousands
just to “consider” their proposals.

In order to attend the field trip, you will be required to sign a
very serious non-disclosure agreement. This means you will be
exposed to trade secrets. Once you know a secret, that’s it. There’s
no unlearning it. So no, there will be no refunds.

If you are even thinking about ordering with the security
of a refund, GO AWAY. Your application will be shredded
mercilessly.

————————————————–
Can I Bring My Wife, Husband, Partner?
————————————————–

Only if they pay the entrance fee.

But if you want to bring them just for vacation,
make it before or after my 2 day event.

—————————————–
—————————————–

That’s it for now.

If you have any other questions, send them to my
grunt workers. They’ll pick the best ones and I’ll answer
them next time.

Again, it cannot be emphasized enough, THIS FIELD TRIP EXPERIENCE
IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

It may be expensive to come and hang with the Rich Jerk, but it’s
an opportunity that isn’t going to be repeated EVER again.

I make no apologies for the size of the investment. I set the price at a
level that will make absolute certain we get only SERIOUS people applying.

If this is you, I’ll read through your application on Tuesday
afternoon.

Try to impress me. I bore easily.

Talk soon,

-RJ

P.S. Be on the lookout Monday for a sneak peak of what to expect.
Then prepare yourself to be ready to go in strong on
Tuesday, 12 noon (Eastern) to claim your spot for
the Rich Jerk Headquarters Field Trip, Mansion Session, & X-ray
Software Intensive.

P.P.S. Here is the link to my new video again:

http://www.therichjerk.com/site/proof

P.P.P.S. Did anyone notice I was borderline *NICE*
in this email? Enjoy it, cuz it probably won’t
happen again anytime soon.