S’up Losers.

Today I stumbled across some blog entry called “How To Succeed Online” (original title, I know). It’s written by some guy named Doug Champigny – never heard of him, but whatever. Anyway, he actually had a cool bit of writing I wanted to share with ya. Here it is:

And that brings us to the third group, the rarest of the Internet marketing newbies. They’re easy to spot – they’re the ones who seem to come out of nowhere and suddenly land in the ’successful Internet Marketing circles’, not yet big dogs but easily observed to be heading there quickly. If you’ve been ‘playing’ at Internet marketing or making a half-hearted effort for some time now, you’ve probably wondered how they shoot by you so easily…

First, they’re smart – they pay attention to what their coach or mentor tells them, and to what they see of that expert’s current operation. They’re not really interested in how their coach GOT to that lofty position – they intend to skip all the trial & error, all the mistakes and mis-steps their mentor made – and just imitate what actually works!

Secondly, they’re inquisitive. They do their best to understand WHY Internet marketing tactics work, why certain strategies pay off big time while others flop. They watch what the big dogs are doing and, rather than following it blindly, ask their coach or mentor why this Internet marketing hotshot or that super-affiliate is doing what they are, and what they’re liable to achieve from it. Also, whether it’s something they should be incorporating in their own Internet marketing processes.

Thirdly, they’re innovative. They take that new-found knowledge and set up systems that will bring in the bucks, all the while looking for ways to improve the systems, to add in additional income streams and, eventually, to eclipse their coach or mentor. And any coach or mentor worth their salt LOVES that, and brags about that person incessantly…

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, they stay focussed and ACTIVE. Not content to just maintain the status quo, they’re constantly looking to improve their Internet marketing processes, acheive Super-Affiliate status and show up on the JV leaderboards, and are CONSTANTLY building their opt-in lists. You see them running giveaways, networking at the social sites and the live internet marketing events whenever they can, and creating products by interviewing those more successful than themselves, knowing it’s a very powerful way to learn from the best while making money at it!

This third group, albeit the smallest fraction of the online world, are still part of today’s newbies. But they are tomorrow’s Big Dogs – and the next day’s Internet marketing superstars, the marketing gurus who pull down millions a year from Internet marketing, affiliate marketing and niche marketing empires others envy so openly. These are tomorrow’s versions of the Stephen Pierces, the Marlon Sanders, the Ken MacArthurs, the Joel Comms, the Rich Schefrens, the Liz Tomeys and the Jimmy D Browns who rule the online world today.

I wanted to highlight this excerpt for a reason.

Most of you losers reading this aren’t like the newbie internet marketer he just described. Chances are, you’ll never be a Big Dog on the internet.

But you know what? Screw ‘em. You don’t have to be a big dog and get “well known.” You just have to MAKE MONEY.

Succeeding online isn’t about gaining recognition, or even building a huge business. It’s about meeting goals you set out for yourself. Screw being a guru. Trust me – you don’t want billions of retards emailing you every day begging for your help. You just want to make some cabbage, am I right???

So set out a goal – $500 a month, $5,000 a month – whatever.

Then, do what you gotta do to achieve that goal.

That’s how you measure success. By figuring out if you’re getting what you want. If you want to be a Big Dog, list that as one of your goals and “grow into” that role. But don’t start off trying to be like that. Just focus on making your first dollar in profit, then go ahead and try and make your goals come true.

That is how you REALLY succeed online.

Later losers,
-RJ

If you check out past blog posts of mine, you’ll see I’ve been accused of going broke many times. Haters would just love that wouldn’t they? My competition has no way to deal with me me, so they try this over-used method repeatedly to try to make “breaking news” so they can get traffic to their site. This helps them put food on the table for the month. Awww, they live month to month. Thats so cute. And yet its just really sad. But it is what it is. They’ve heard of “cash-flow” but they’ve never experienced it. So my earnings drive them crazy!

Recently I sent out an email explaining that my business is not going anywhere. Of course I would take an “offer I couldn’t refuse” to buy out my biz, just like anybody would, but no matter what happens I ain’t going anywhere. Even if it sells, I’d stay on and do the cool shit. The “suits” may change but I really don’t give a fu*k about those guys. I have free reign.

Wannabes, copycats, and the rest of these closet homos took my announcement and ran with it. They claimed I was going bankrupt, blah blah blah. But as you can see on my homepage videos, I’m doing quite well indeed. And my new Real Estate website – www.richjerkrealestate.com is also doing “well”. Haha. Its sick really. The amount of money that continues to pour in while I’m “going broke” is amazing. I would love to keep “going broke”.

Actually, I’m taking over the Playboy Mansion in July for an opulent, exclusive party with Hefner and the ladies, unlike anyone has ever seen before. I’ve forked over $250k for this one night event. Man, it sure sucks to be poor. ….. I’d love to see my competition try to pull that off. My one night expense is worth more than their twice mortgaged house.

So, to wrap this thing up. I’ve decided I will be suing a few of the higher visibility faggots that have decided they want to go to war with me. And I will be displaying all of the legal paperwork, etc publicly when possible so you can follow along as I crush them. Should be fun.

Next week I’m going to tell you how you might possibly get the chance to attend my party and watch me “go broke” in person. I’ve got some remaining tickets. Most have already been scooped up by high level internet marketers and business executives from around the world – the real “players” in multiple industries. I’ve also got a few hundred loyal customers that I’m rewarding with a free ticket. That leaves a handful for me to hand out as I see fit. Again, next week I’ll tell you how to be one of the people that gets one.

INTERESTING SIDE NOTE: The cock sandwhich lovers I told you about before who are hatin on RJ have ALL contacted me begging for access to the Playboy Mansion Party. Do you think when I told them to fu*k off, it had any influence on their decision to post lies about me? Hmmmmmm…… And as much as I’d like to show you exactly who these pussies are, that’s exactly what they want….to steal my traffic. It ain’t gonna happen bitches.

So many UNORIGINAL pricks out there. Oh well, at least they can PRETEND to be happy with their pathetic lives. In an ironic turn of events, I’m about to make THEM GO BROKE by tying them up in long drawn out & expensive lawsuits. Sucks to be them.

I’m off to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend. I’ll be at Rehab at the Hard Rock. Time to fire up the jet. It’s gonna get crazy. I wonder what will happen while I’m gone. Oh right, the same thing that always happens…..the merchant accounts will keep doing their thing, and the RJ machine will keep churning, as it does 24 hours a day baby. Its unstoppable bitches.

Later Losers,

RJ

P.S. It would suck to be bald and live in Nebraska right now.

Forgot I had a blog. Guess I better write some sh*t. Just not now. I’m too busy doing nothing.

RJ

Hey Loser,

I don’t know about you, but I’m so sick
of all these product launches lately.
My inbox is inundated with subjects like this:

“Hey, I’m launching a piece of crap Thursday.
Get on the early notification list now to get a
sh*tty bonus that costs me nothing. I promise to
send you tons of other crappy offers in the future too.”

or

“Suck Ass Wannabe Profits launches today. Buy
this useless sh*t now before the price goes up. I hope
I make enough money to fix my 88’ Corolla.”

or

“Announcing the launch of my brand spankin’ new
Platinum Box of Junk – guaranteed to make
you $5,000 in 5 minutes….
(*disclaimer: not everyone will make $5k*)”

I’m here to tell you right now that there are about
100 people “in the loop” on every product launch
you see. It’s an incestuous group that “uses” one
another. People have repeatedly tried to suck me
into the group. So I checked it out, and here’s the
process for each launch:

Whoever creates a product (which was most likely
outsourced to a guy in Romania) contacts a couple
of Joint Venture brokers who take a small percentage
of the launch proceeds, in exchange for getting
major affiliates on board.

These affiliates don’t know what’s in the package,
they don’t know what the product does, and they
don’t care. It could be the biggest pile of steaming
dog sh*t, and they’ll still promote the hell out of it.
If you have a list of thousands of people who are
desperate to make money any way they can, its
pump and dump time.

I’ve sat in on meetings with some of these guys and
you know what they discuss? How to fu*k every
one of you out of as much money as possible. Even some of
the guys you think are the “good ones”. I’ve got news for
you, They Ain’t. They actually laugh at how stupid
you are. Chasing this “secret” that doesn’t even exist.

And do you know why you get the EXACT same email from
every launch affiliate? It’s because one person
wrote it and handed it out to all of the affiliates, to make
it that much easier for them to promote. Most affiliates
DON’T EVEN READ the email. They just send it,
with their affiliate link already pre-populated into it.

And finally, the sales letter is usually written
just a FEW HOURS before the product launches. Why?
Because nobody knows what the fu*k is going on.
These things are run by a group of idiots who are in
different geographic locations and don’t know how to
communicate with one another. And major mistakes are
always being made – like the site being down at launch
time, a broken shopping cart, whatever.

It’s a joke.

When you hear somebody made $1 million, $5 million,
or even $10 million on a product launch, do you think
it’s NET profit? No way. After paying affiliates, fulfillment
centers, outsourced labor, JV brokers, etc., and THEN paying refunds
which are typically 20% or so right off the bat, the NET isn’t all its
cracked up to be. And if it’s a month to month thing,
forget about it. People drop off like flies every month.

So don’t get caught up in thinking these guys are
getting rich. THEY’RE NOT.

I’ve even been guilty of getting sucked into a
couple of these launches myself. And the only reason
I did was because I BELIEVED in the products.
Whether they live up to to the hype remains to be
seen. I’m as interested to find out as you are. I
really hope they OVER-DELIVER.

Regardless, I just wanted you to know what REALLY
happens with all this choreographed bullsh*t. Because
when you’re on my list, you are entitled to THE TRUTH.
At least the truth as I see it after taking my meds.

After sending this email, I’ll probably be dropped from
the list of the 100 affiliates who are “in the know”. But fu*k it.

So that brings me to the latest product launch. It’s a product
called “Day Job Killer”. Is it good? I have no fu*king
idea. Do I care? Not really.

http://www.DayJobKiller.com/launch

It launches today, Tuesday February 6th at 11am EST, 8am PST.
(ever notice they’re always on Tuesdays? Hmmmm…..)

It’s from the creator of “Affiliate Project X”. (If you
don’t know what Affiliate Project X is, you can see it
here: Affiliate Project X )

Day Job Killer costs $77.00 here:

http://www.DayJobKiller.com/launch

By the way, the original Affiliate Project X still
costs $97. But here’s something most people don’t know:

If you buy Day Job Killer, you’ll be offered an “upsell” of the
original Affiliate Project X for around $20 bucks. So in
essence, you’ll get both for a total of $97.

Again, I have no idea if Day Job Killer is good or not.
One thing I do know is that it’s being sold through Clickbank.
Therefore you automatically get a 60 day money back guarantee.
And if you know anything about Clickbank, you know
they NEVER ask questions if you want a refund.

So you don’t have much to lose.

Go check out Day Job Killer here (or not):

http://www.DayJobKiller.com/launch

If you buy DJK through my link, I’ll make a mediocre commission
that won’t change my life either way. I’ll probably make a minimum
of $20k just from sending this email. $20k doesn’t mean
anything to me, so do whatever you feel like doing – I honestly
don’t care. You’ll probably find other affiliates offering a bunch of
“perceived value” bonuses that really aren’t worth $.02 cents.

I don’t feel like offering any BS bonus, so if that’s what you
want, go blow one of the gurus.

I’m always the # 1 affiliate for anything I promote.
That’s just the way it is. I easily have over
$1 million dollars in outstanding commissions
right now. It’s hard to keep track. That’s why
I pay people to do it for me.

Just know that I’m going to keep delivering you
THE TRUTH. And I’ll probably tell you to fu*k off a
few times in the near future too.

That’s just par for the course.

Oh, one more thing. I have to give kudos to some of
you. When I recently sent an email asking you what you
want to see in RJ 2.0, I was surprised to find out that
some of you are pretty smart motherfu*kers. Of course
nowhere near my genius, but decent nonetheless.

Here’s the questionnaire in case you missed it:

Rich Jerk Questionnaire

I’m replying to a few of you personally, and giving
you the opportunity to make a name for yourself by
adding content to RJ 2.0.

To the rest of you who asked for Step by Step videos
of EXACTLY how to make money even if you’re broke,
I think you’ll be shocked to find out…. It’s coming.

OK, that’s enough. I’m bored.

Later losers,

RJ

Here’s the link to Day Job Killer again:

http://www.DayJobKiller.com/launch

P.S. You know how when we were teenagers we all played
that game where you hit a certain kind of person with
your car, and you earn a specified number of points?
We called it “The Knock Around”.

For example, the elderly are 5 points (because they’re so easy
to hit), athletes are 25 points, and most children are negative
10 points because you’re supposed to let them grow up first.
Kinda like when you catch a baby fish and throw it back so
it can get big before it gets eaten.

And you typically get extra points if you can make it
appear “accidental”.

Well, I just heard about the ULTIMATE challenge in this
game. As we all know, the pinnacle of the game is to earn
100 points. Well how would you like to earn 100 points
by just hitting one person?

I have to caution you, it’s not pretty. If you’re skweemish,
close this email now.

OK, here it is: I’ve just been told that in order to earn 100
points in one hit, you need to find someone who is
VERY scarce, i.e. a pregnant nun. I know, hitting a pregnant
nun with your car isn’t easy. But that’s why the score is so high.

And here’s the kicker:

It’s gotta be a nun that YOU’VE knocked up.

So in essence you’re looking to hit a nun who is
pregnant with your own kid. So depending on how
you feel about the kid, you should adjust your
acceleration accordingly.

You may be asking “what about the negative
point rule for hitting children?” I myself asked this
very same question. The answer is, that negative point rule
doesn’t apply to the unborn.

So there you have it.

Now I don’t condone this activity whatsoever. I’m merely
pointing out that if you find yourself in a game of
“Knock Around” and you’re trailing in points by a large
margin, this may be your only course of action.

Take this information for what it’s worth. I guess it
all depends on how bad you want bragging rights.

NOTE: This activity may be frowned upon in some
areas, and possibly even illegal. Therefore, I urge
you to consult with a lawyer prior to participation.

Dear (intentionally blank),

Why didn’t I call you a loser? It’s simple. I think you deserve a break.

You see, my latest slew of emails about whatever is on my sick mind has struck a chord with more people than any emails I’ve ever sent out. This has spawned a lot of speculation as to my mental state, and whether or not I should be locked up.

I have people whose sole job is filtering out my HATE MAIL. And they have been working overtime.

Even my employees can’t believe some of the stuff I’ve sent out lately, and they’re used to my dimensia.

The basic theme seems to be that I’m HATED by 95% of the people who respond to my emails. For the other 5% who appreciate my warped sense of humor and underhanded tactics, I applaud you.

I’m a REAL person. I’m not quite the Devil Incarnate. I’ve actually been known to have sane thoughts on occasion. My therapist can vouch for that. I take a cocktail of antidepressants, relaxors, and anti-psychotics every day. It’s some good sh*t.

Sometimes I go too far for some of you, but I’ll never apologize for that. Because that’s who I am. My success and wealth happened so fast, and with that came the women, the houses, the cars, the power, etc. So it’s easy to
let that go to your head. And my head is quite swollen.

I’m not saying that I’m not the fu*king man, because I most certainly am. And I’m obviously better than you…that’s just a fact. But I’m also only human….well, maybe slightly better than human.

I’m even thinking of getting a robotic arm to replace my left arm.

But regardless, I want people to know that I’ve seen what’s being said about me all over forums, blogs, etc.

I’m going broke, I’m being sued, I’m being investigated by the FBI, I’ve gone to far, I’ve lost my mind, I’ve lost credibility, I’m a neo-nazi, I’m a racist, I’m a terrorist sympathizer, I’m making a last ditch effort to save my floundering company, my ebook is no longer relevant, I’m a one hit wonder, my methods are bullsh*t, my penis is extremely large……blah blah blah.

Let me address all of that right here and now, in a no BS, no hype, no selling email.

Any rumor that I’m going broke, or that my company isn’t doing well is absolutely insane. Fact is, I’ve never been as successful as I am RIGHT NOW. Investments, real estate, affiliate marketing, coaching, and some amazing JV’s have contributed to the most profitable year of my life. And next year looks to trump this one 10 fold.

Now what about lawsuits and legal stuff? First of all, I just won a huge lawsuit. And I’m currently suing several other individuals and companies. I am not presently a defendant in ANY cases whatsoever. My lawyers are superstars. Watching them mop up the floor with my “problems” is not only financially rewarding, but also extremely fun to watch.

And how about investigations? I’ve heard things about the FBI seizing stuff from me, investigating me, and that it’s being reported on CNN. Look, I haven’t heard from ANY governmental agencies, and I would love nothing more than free PR on CNN. But it just hasn’t happened. If anyone wants to make that happen, let’s talk. Otherwise, shut the fu*k up.

Is there anything else? Oh yeah, the whole 9/11 thing. I offered “companionship” to 9/11 widows. That’s called “shock value”. It got you pissed didn’t it? Good. Now you won’t forget me anytime soon. And THAT is what really bothers you….that I’m just so fu*king vile, yet EFFECTIVE. It gets under your skin. But you keep reading anyway. You know deep down you love it. Otherwise you would’ve left a long time ago. So shut the fu*k up,
and go create your own empire.

Intelligent people know the 9/11 thing was all in jest anyway. I love the USA. It’s where I’ve made my fortune. And like I said before, you have no idea what charities, non-profits, or strip clubs I contribute to. So go do whatever it is that you do, and leave me the fu*k alone.

SIDENOTE – if any beautiful ladies do need some companionship, whether you are a widow or not, you know where to find me.

And finally I’ll comment on the rumors that my book is outdated, useless, a one hit wonder, etc. The simple fact is my book is one of the most successful (if not “the” most successful) ebooks ever in existence. I’m still # 6 or # 7 in Clickbank. And ebook sales are NOTHING compared to my other streams of revenue. Are the tactics outdated?

Well, I know a guy who used the tactics in my book to make over $200k in just 10 days THIS month. Without any product launches whatsoever. Just PPC. Can you do that?

My book has also been updated over 100 times. Any customer can log in at http://www.therichjerk.com/login and get the latest version for free.
My forum at http://www.therichjerk.com/forum also has over 20,000 members. It’s become one of the most visited and important forums in internet marketing today.

Now 2007 is around the corner and I have so many new products coming, your head will spin. And they will all DOMINATE.

One more thing. to anyone who doubt the power and influence of the Rich Jerk…I’ve recently been invited to a super secret event with only the top 20 internet marketers in the world. These people know I’m the sh*t. If you don’t realize that by now, YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE. The event is being held by a guy that does over $20 million a year on the internet selling INFORMATION. A guy you’ve never heard of. And it’s not in the “make money” industry. Maybe I’ll tell you about him one day.

I’d also like to take a second and give a big kudos to John Reese, who is a competitor of mine, on his recent acquisition of Income.com. He will be providing free content on it throughout 2007. That’s a fat domain name. He’s obviously a major player. What am I gonna do about it? Muhuhahaha….Wait and see in ‘07.

OK, that’s it. RJ (real person for today) is now signing off. Which RJ will show up next time? I think we all know the answer to that.

Later Losers,

Da Man

P.S. The Norelco Bodygroom really did add an extra optical inch to my shlong. See the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsbXwzqlqsU

Dear Loser,

You poor thing. You probably don’t even know
that your life sucks, do you?

That’s just sad.

But at least ignorance is bliss. Because if you don’t
know how good things can be, your life doesn’t
seem so bad.

But trust me….it is.

In fact, if I had your life, I’d either change things
real quick or commit suicide.

So unless you plan on ending it all, LISTEN UP.

I fu*k around with you a lot, BECAUSE I CAN. After all,
you sought me out and DOUBLE CONFIRMED that you
wanted to receive my emails.

So either you enjoy punishment, or there’s something in
your pea brain that thinks one day I might tell you something
that just CLICKS.

Well, today is that day.

I’m going to do something that I swore I would never do.
Prepare yourself. You may need an extra Depends diaper
for this.

Are you ready?

Sh*t, I’m sitting here right this very second, still
teetering with this decision. I was supposed to announce
this last week, but I changed my mind. Now I’ve been
fronted so much GREEN that not doing it would be INSANE.

Grrrrrr.

You have no idea how much this pains me. And I’m not a
guy whose used to doing things I don’t want to do.

Aww, fu*k it. I’ll keep writing this email for now,
and maybe I won’t send it. Thats the only way I can
convince myself to keep writing at this point.

Anyway, it’s time for your wet dream come true.

Here goes….

I’m about to participate in 2 things I never thought
I would, and you can be an integral part in BOTH of them.

A standardized product launch & a Rich Jerk event.

I may regret this decision for years, but in January 2007,
I’ve decided to open up my headquarter doors to a few
lucky visitors.

A Field Trip to the Inner Sanctum of the Rich Jerk.

During this day, you’ll get to see how my staff and I run
a multi-million dollar company.

You’ll get to see the nuts & bolts of my business:
-how orders are processed and fulfilled
-how my customer service operates
-how joint ventures are created
-where my ummpa looompas take a dump
-how genius ideas are created from scratch
-how branding happens
-how systems are created and maintained
-how to build infrastructure
-how to run a backend that rakes in cash on autopilot
-how to manage numbers, including accountants & attorneys
-how I only hire two kinds of people….geniuses and hot chicks

A few of you can even sit in on a brainstorming session
in my conference room, where we let the ideas openly flow
while we’re hopped up on energy drinks and whatever else
we can get our hands on.

After the office visit, we’ll shuttle you off to one of
my latest acquisitions – a multimillion dollar mansion
tucked along the California coastline. No stuffy hotel
conference rooms with the air conditioning jacked up
to Siberian winter.

And after you’ve stopped drooling, we’ll settle in for an
intimate session on the A-Z of internet marketing, Rich Jerk Style.

-Affiliate Program Promotion Domination
-Product Creation
-Character Development and Brand Building
-How to Build a Business, Not a 1 Man Show

Then…

An Intimate fireside Q & A with me, the Rich Jerk. Where I’ll
take questions, and tell you how I did what I did, and what the
fu*k you should be doing. And we’ll go all night if you want to.
Or we can finish early and go party hardcore downtown – VIP all
the way. Doesn’t matter to me.

Now for those of you who want the whole enchilada…..

Come a day early and I’ll also be revealing my super secret
affiliate program domination software that I’ve been using since
early 2006 to clean up. And I have plenty of 6 figure Commission
Junction checks to show how well this software works. You’ll see
them in a few days.

With this one of a kind miracle software, you can put your Adwords,
Overture, or MSN tracking code on the “thank you” page of ANY
affiliate program in the world, with the click of a button. And there’s
nothing they can do about it, because it’s INVISIBLE to them. And,
its 100% legal. My programmer is seriously a sick fu*k.

You’ll instantly know which keywords are converting for you, as if
you owned each of the sites yourself.

I’ll be launching this software to the world in February 2007, and
you’ll not only get a sneak peak at it, you’ll go home with a license
to use the PRO version free for LIFE. You’ll have it weeks before
anyone else.

And when I launch my software to the world, you’ll be rooting for
me to make millions in the first 5 minutes won’t you?

Well you should be.

Because I’m going to share my launch profits with EVERY person
who comes to my intimate gathering.

I’ll tell you exactly how much I’m sharing in a few days. And I think
you’ll be shocked.

How many big time “gurus” have offered you a piece of their big
launch profits? NONE. Never. Nobody has the balls to do that. Except me.

I’ll be the first, and you can bet that’s going to piss off a lot of these
co*ksuckers.

I don’t give a sh*t. Fu*k em.

If you want to be in bed with a player like me, this is your chance. And
this opportunity will NOT come around again.

More details to come in the next few days.

So let’s get rich together…..bitches.

-RJ

P.S. I’ll drop you a note later this week with more details.
Next Tuesday will be the day that I start taking applications
for the whole enchilada. And oh yeah, I reserve the right to
deny any person from coming to my private field trip
FOR ANY REASON. Real players only. You’ve been warned!