Dear losers,

A lot of you out there think you need money to start your online business. The fact is you really don’t. There are so many ways to do stuff for free online nowadays, even if you’re broke and one step away from living on the street, you can still get your online business going.

But let’s say some of you need the extra money to get something going, because you want to buy a domain name, host your own website, buy some software, or WHATEVER. Fact is, you need to pay for something, and you ain’t got no MFM.

To those of you looking for some start-up capital, I have one word for you…

EBAY.

Ebay is awesome. Why? Because that entire website is set up to make people money! So I’m going to tell you how you can get some start-up funds using this great service.

1. Sell your crap

How much stuff do you have lying around that you don’t need anymore? TVs, baseball cards, old computers, George Foreman grills…

Take all the crap you have an no longer need and SELL IT ON EBAY. People on Ebay will buy anything. I’m sure by getting rid of all the stuff you don’t want anymore, you can make a few hundred dollars - enough to start your online business.

2. Sell your services

You can also use ebay to sell your time and efforts to do tasks for other people. Did you know you could offer to send out 1,000 friend requests on Myspace in exchange for $100? Seriously, there are people on Ebay doing that type of thing!

Think of some type of service you can offer people and auction it off - make money that way. Its easy! It just takes a little bit of time and effort on your part.

3. Sell your body

People auction off their body parts on Ebay all the time. Pregnant women auction space on their fat bellies. Some people auction off their foreheads. Basically, the winner of the auction pays to get a temporary tattoo applied to the person’s body part. You hear about these auctions all the time. As long as you have no shame, go for it.

4. Broker auctions

Go on classified ad websites (like Craig’s List) and see what people are looking to buy. Then email them a link to an ebay auction that has what they’re looking for in it, but use your affiliate link instead of a direct link. That way, if they sign up and buy the auction, you get money!

Simple right? So easy, a brain damaged poodle could do it. So what’s stopping you?

Quit complaining about how you got no money and make some money!

Later,

-RJ

Some chick named Linda wrote:

How do I get advertisers to my website, since my company is quite pricey on a monthly basis? Thank you.

Linda Parrino

Okay, Linda, I got two questions for you…

Question 1: Are you hot?

Question 2: Do you put out?

Answer the second question first. Send it to groupies@therichjerk.com. Include a headshot.

Now that I’m done with my questions, here are my statements…

First of all, if you want to get advertisers on your website, it’s really easy. Google’s Adsense program is an ad program. Use them. Or, sign up for Adbrite.com and use those guys. They’ll be happy to serve ads on your site.

Will you make a lot of money off these ads? Probably not. A little, yeah, but not enough to retire on.

Why? Because ad rates are entirely dependent on how much traffic your stupid little website is getting!

If you ain’t got no traffic, why should some advertiser shell out lots of money to advertise there?

See what I mean?

So unless you’re getting a million unique visitors or more a month, you ain’t gonna be able to charge a lot for advertising.

But there are ways to change this. The first is to get more dang traffic to your website. The more traffic you get, the more money you can charge.

However, that’s only half the equation. You also need to know a very important metric, called eCPM.

eCPM stands for “Effective Cost Per Thousand.” (Why? I don’t know. Some dumb-ass decided to throw a roman numeral in there or something.)

This metric basically says “How Much Money Do I Make For Every 1,000 Impressions Of This Ad?”

See, in order for you to calculate and maximize what each of your web pages makes, you must break down every ad shown down to an eCPM value. Then, you add up the values on that given page, and that gives you an idea of how much that page is worth to advertisers.

So let’s say you have a single banner ad running at the top of your web page, and it earns $0.75 cents for every click the banner receives.

Let’s say after showing that ad 10,000 times, it received 500 clicks. This means you’re averaging 50 clicks for every 1,000 times that ad is shown.

Since you are earning $0.75 per click, you are making $37.50 every time that ad is displayed 1,000 times on your web page.

Therefore, this web page is worth $37.50 to you every time it’s viewed 1,000 times. Or eCPM = $37.50.

So let’s say you have 100,000 page views a month. Divide that by 1,000 to get 100. Multiply 100 by your eCPM of $37.50, and you get $3,750. That means you can get away with charging advertisers that much to show their ads on your site.

Of course, eCPM changes depending on how many ads you show on a page, and what kind of ads are shown. So first you have to decide what the optimum number of ads on your page is to maximize eCPM. Then you need to test out different offers to see what gets the best response.

How do you do this? Well - go to Quantcast.com and look at what kind of demographics your website is getting. Then, figure out what advertisers are targeting those demographics, and test their banners to see how many clicks you get. Assume a conversion rate of 0.5% and multiply that by the average price of their products. This will give you an idea of what type of eCPM that advertiser could expect from your website.

Then, email the advertiser with your results, and let them know “Hey, this is how much we estimate you can make by advertising on my website.” Then give them a price quote for a monthly ad buy. If you estimate they can make $1,000 a month in sales from advertising on your site, quote them a monthly ad rate of $500, so they are making a 200% return on investment.

See if an advertiser will turn you down then!

This is how the game is played, boys and girls. Enjoy.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Some dude named Rob posted this on my blog…

Hay guys,

I have been a memeber of the rich jerk for 6 months now and you are very right that most programs you buy on the net are a hole lot of information and they do not tell us how to put it in to motion! I have made close to $1000.00 in the last 6 months using bum marketing methods “means I try not to spend money on advertising”! Here are some examples of lens that I would love some help with!

The pre-school lens has had 500 hits since 02/28/08 but has not been converting very well at all, whats wrong?

http://www.squidoo.com/top-used-car-auctions
I have no idea what is wrong with this lens, I did the reseach and seems to struggle, Any ideas on this one!

http://www.squidoo.com/loweryourgolfscores This is my favorite but I get no traffic at all, maybe 5 hits a day and I have tried social booking it to death and I even tried the lastest tool Comment Kahuna and still NOTHING!

It would be awesome to have some people help me out with these DUDS!

Thanks evereyone
Rob

Well, take out your happy-pipe, Rob, ’cause RJ is gonna lay some knowledge on your sorry ass.

But first, let me just say you are the type of guy I like to see posting on my site. Your ass may be sorry, but you ain’t no loser. You’ve made your first $1,000, you haven’t been spending jack on traffic, and you’re motivated to improve. Gold star to you, junior.

All-righty, on with it…

I took a look at your Squidoo Lens at http://www.squidoo.com/top-used-car-auctions. And I can tell you the number one problem right away is this:

YA GOT TOO MUCH STUFF ON THERE.

There is just too much for visitors to click on, follow, and do. Making money is about a FOCUS OF ATTENTION. If you have three affiliate programs you want to promote for car auctions, make three damn lenses - one for each program.

Sell one thing and one thing only. Make your entire page centered around selling that one thing. You’ll see your conversions go up instantly.

Get rid of sending people to places that don’t make you money. Yeah, the Youtube and Ebay and RSS shit is fun and easy to put on a Lens, but it don’t make you no MFM. (That’s mother-f*ckin’ money for you who aren’t hip to my jive)

Only put stuff on your Squidoo Lens that’s going to make you dough. Period.

Second of all, you make NO attempt at all to try and connect to the people who visit your lens. It’s just a bunch of faceless, formal info on car auctions. Ain’t no one gonna buy that.

People want to buy from “Bubba, a broke-ass plumber from West Virginia, who’s crappy 1978 camaro broke down and he needed a cheap car which he found through this great and dependable auction site. Here’s a picture of my lame-ass camero, which nearly killed me when the transmission fell out the bottom of it. Oh, and here’s a picture of my new car, a shiny dodge pick-up truck, which I got for a steal because I was smart enough to use this special website I found. You should check it out by clicking this snazzy banner they gave me when I made my purchase.”

People like pages built by real people, offering real experiences and real advice. The more “home made” something is, the more people believe it’s real and of value. The more faceless and corporate, the less likely they are to trust what you’re selling.

Selling is about storytelling. Ya gotta tell people a story when you’re selling them something. They have to be able to identify with the character who basically is a physical manifestation of what they want to be.

Is your average customer some moron who knows nothing about cars, but needs a new car and doesn’t have a lot of money? Guess what - I’m a moron who knows nothing about cars and doesn’t have a lot of money, but I used this website to get a great deal on my new car, and if it helped me, it’ll help you too, because I’m just some out of work plumber from West Virginia.

Catch my drift?

Okay, now onto your traffic quandary.

Trying to get free traffic is like trying to get free sex. Sure, you can get it for free, but you either have to work really hard for it or settle for something you aren’t really happy with.

If you’re going the free traffic route because your broke-ass can’t afford adwords or whatever, here’s what you do.

First off, bookmark your lens. I know you said you already do this, but you’re probably doing it wrong. Go to www.onlywire.com. Create accounts for everything on that bitch and then use those accounts to bookmark your lens.

Now, the big mistake here is that people try and get people from the social bookmarking sites to visit their lenses. Uh-uh. Wrong. What you do after you bookmark that bad boy is take the RSS feeds from all the accounts you created, and then you go to Ping-o-matic.com and ping them bitches. You ping the RSS feed for every dang bookmarking account you made.

What does this do? Well, when you ping your RSS feeds, you’re basically going out to all the search engines and saying:

“Yo! Search Engines! Get off your lazy asses and come check out my website!”

The Search Engine spiders will then visit the bookmarking accounts you created, see they’re linking to your lens, and visit your lens. And then the spiders will say:

“Well shit, look at all these bookmarking sites linking to this Squidoo page. We better index this MF.”

So then your lens gets in the search engines. Then what you do is you start creating a “link network” linking back to your lens for the keyword you want to rank for (in this case, golf scores). You do this by creating hubpage accounts, wetpaint acocunts, wordpress.com accounts, blogger accounts, and other squidoo lenses. All of which link back to your page with your keyword term in the link. And you create brand new bookmarking accounts too.

Then, you PING all those suckers too!

And you do this EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY until your lens starts appearing on the first page of the search engines. (Usually Yahoo and MSN are the first to notice and rank you. Google can be a bitch.)

You can use these tools to keep track of your progress. They’re free.

Keep using your Traffic Kahuna software to get backlinks from blogs. Then ping the comment feed for those blogs.

Remember: building up free traffic is a PROCESS. Process is shit that needs to get done every single day. If you’re not spending 4 hours a day on building your traffic, you’re wasting your time.

And if you can afford to outsource the traffic building, that’s even better, because to be honest with you, doing that stuff yourself sucks ass. The sad reality is that unless you’re willing to spend some money, getting traffic to your site is a SLOW endeavor.

Unless you have an email list you can blast to whenever you want. Then it’s fast. But that’s another matter all together.

Repost a comment when you start making the changes and let me know how it goes.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

Check it - I’m on the bathroom right now.

Seriously. I am on my gold-plated toilet pinching out a loaf as I type this on my lap top.

You may be asking yourself… *grugh* … you may be asking yourself why I don’t just wait until I am done moving my bowels to write to you.

I am doing this to illustrate a *grunt* point.

You see, by sitting down and typing this post while I am soiling the porcelain throne, I am essentially prolonging both the time it takes for me to write to you, and drop a deuce.

To put it bluntly: By not focusing on one thing at a time, it is taking me (literally) longer to get shit done.

*ploop*

Ah, much better.

Anyway, back to my point…

One of the biggest challenges of running your own business is GETTING SHIT DONE. The longer it takes you to GSD, the less money you make. And part of not getting shit done is jumping from one opportunity to another as they present themselves.

You *grrragh* follow me here?

See, as the CEO and mastermind of a multi-million dollar empire, I get losers coming up to me constantly and wanting me to promote crap for them.

“RJ, I got a launch I want you to promote!”

“RJ, let’s do a JV!”

“RJ, I’ll give you my first born daughter if you help me make some money!”

Blah, blah, *grunt* blah.

I get bombarded with offers EVERY DAY to make more money. And you know what? I turn 99% of them down!

If I were to whore myself out to every lame-o that comes my way, I could probably be making lots more money. But here’s the catch - if I did that, it would take me SO MUCH LONGER to get anything done - which means that in the long run, I’d actually be making LESS money.

See - what most of you losers don’t understand is that you’re so desperate to make money, you will jump from opportunity to opportunity as soon as they present themselves hoping to make money. But you never FINISH ANYTHING.

And in my *uuugh* experience, the only way to make money is to FOLLOW THROUGH and GET SHIT DONE.

Get your ebook written.

Get your emails written.

Get your PPC accounts going.

Get your articles published.

Get your site in the search engines.

*ploop*

Ahhh.

Because of the nature of online business - new stuff is always going to be coming out to help make people money. Today it’s adsense. Tomorrow it’s CPA networks. The next day it’s media buying. And on, and on, and on.

You know what? Screw that noise, jack. Find ONE THING. Just ONE THING you want to do to make money. And stick with it. Ignore everything else and just do that one thing until you “get ‘er dun.”

I don’t care if that one thing is being a Rich Jerk Affiliate, or an adsense site builder, or a CPA traffic kingpin. Whatever it is, just make your business about one thing and one thing only.

And once you master that one thing and it’s going - ONLY THEN should you take on something else. And then you stick with that until you “get ‘er dun.”

Business can get overwhelming if you let it. But trying to do too many things at once is a big mistake, because it takes you longer to get ANYTHING done when you do that. If you need an email sequence, don’t do anything else until that email sequence is created. If you need a product, do nothing else until that product is created.

You know what I do? When I start a new project, I create a list of everything I need to make that project happen. For example:

1. Buy good domain name.
2. Create a product.
3. Design a website
4. Write sales copy
5. Design an email sequence.
6. Buy PPC Advertising
7. Recruit affiliates
8. Make own porno movie

Once I am done with that list, I only focus on one thing, and I don’t do anything else on that list until I can cross off what I’m working on.

This is how I GSD. By prioritizing what I need to do, doing one thing at a time, and ignoring everything else. If I tried to do everything at once, I’d never GSD.

Understand - new opportunities will always come your way. If you ignore them, you won’t lose much. But you can gain so much more by focusing on just ONE opportunity and getting really good at that, and making money that way, then moving on to something else.

And that *uhnnnnn* is how you become awesome like me.

*ploop*

Later losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

You know how I can always spot the losers from the winners? Its simple really - the losers always focus and obsess about the WRONG CRAP, and the winners are always focused on the RIGHT CRAP. So what separates the two is a bunch of crap!

Let me explain…

I get emails DAILY from people complaining about how they don’t have any money.

“Waaaa! I’m not rich! Waaaaaaa! I have no money! The economy is bad! Rich people are out to screw me! Evil Corporations should be taxed so they can pay my wellfare! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!”

I fart in the general direction of people like these. Not because they are whiny little snots - no sir. 90% of the world’s population are whiny snots. But because these types of people just don’t GET IT. And they never will. So it’s really a waste of my valuable time to deal with them. (Seriously, I could be doing more important stuff like eating pop tarts or watching late-night Cinemax.)

What is it that these losers don’t get that rich people do? Well, to put it bluntly, it’s a mindset. Look at me for instance - I am filthy, stinking rich. Seriously. I can wipe my butt with $100 dollar bills and flush them down the toilet. That’s how much money I rake in. But for good ol’ RJ, it’s never BEEN about the money.

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