Hey Losers,

Got another good question from one of you morons.  Check it out…

I need some help on how to get clicks to convert into sales! I have used the AdWords demographic strategies and have had over 2000 Clicks between 5 campaigns. I ran each campaign until it had around 350 clicks. I need some help as to how I can improve my sales via PPC.

-Steven

Conversions are about two things - the quality of your traffic and the quality of your sales page.

Obviously, I know NOTHING about your sales process.  But if you want to improve your shit, you need to start SPLIT TESTING those mothers…

Here’s the deal…

You’re setting up your campaigns in Google, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job at it.  Your ads are getting clicks.  But are you split testing your ads?

If you create better ads, you attract better buyers, get a higher click through rate, and a lower cost per click.  You always, always, ALWAYS want to split test your ads!!!!

To do this, go into campaign settings and choose to “Rotate” your ads instead of “optimizing” them.  Optimizing your ad rotation is just a way for Google to rape you on fees.  Don’t do it.  Always create two ads for every adgroup you have, and make sure they’re evenly displayed.

Next, sign up for Winner Alert.  This will help you keep track of what ads are doing the best.  Do at least 3 split tests per adgroup before settling on the winning ad.  But if you’re anal, or you can hire people to handle this for you, do continual split testing with your ads to constantly improve CTR.

As you’re split testing your ads, make sure you’re tracking conversions of your campaigns.  Use negative keywords to make sure your ads only show up for relevant keyword terms.  Pause adgroups that get 200 clicks but no conversions.  If an adgroup hasn’t converted by the 200th click, its a loser and needs to be shut off.

Use Google’s ad placement feature to make sure your ads show up on the first page of results.  If you’re doing a test, set this for a maximum of 1 and a minimum of 8.  If your ad isn’t showing up on the first page of results, chances are your test isn’t going to be very accurate.

Next, make sure your landing page is being tested so it converts at an optimum level.  You can use Google Website Optomizer for this.  It’s free and pretty accurate.  If you’re promoting an affiliate product, create a split test link that rotates between two different affiliate offers, and see which one converts the best for you.  Go for the offer that makes the most sales.

Too many people are in a rush to get traffic, and they never think about conversions.  That’s B.S.  You have to think of BOTH.  The testing phase is always a bitch because you’re shelling out money and trying to find out what works.  But once you find out what works, you can now focus your efforts on the winners and ramp those up to get even MORE of that type of traffic, and that’s when the money starts flowing.

I recommend testing anywhere from two weeks to a full month.  Usually, you’ll know what’s working after 30 days worth of data.

Later Losers,

-RJ

S’up Losers,

In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted anything lately.  Why? Because I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT!  That’s why.  STFU.  Its summer fer cryin’ out loud.

Anyway, my pet phillipino boy who combs through all your Q&A’s has gotten back to me with a few reasonably intelligent questions.  Here’s one now…

Howard Dennison writes:
Hi RJ,

Your new blog totally kicks ass. I’m writhing in pathetic jealousy as I wonder how much you paid some coding genius from Uzbekistan to program this bad boy.

My blog is nowhere near as sexy as yours but I’ve worked on it quite a while and I’ve got it making a couple bucks a day with Google Adsense (on the good days). It’s a blog dedicated to sharing funny videos and I’m getting 200-300 visitors a day from Google search results, link exchanges, and social bookmarking.

I think it has the potential to break 1000 visitors a day. What kind of top secret profitable traffic methods can I tap into in order to make some more green?

I like how you guys out there think there are some top secret traffic methods that only the “gurus” know about.

Face it - you Losers already know all the traffic secrets!  There’s nothing new under the sun, baby!  Its all old school when it comes to traffic.

Here’s the different traffic sources you can get:

1.  Pay Per Click Traffic

2.  Search Engine Traffic

3.  Banner Traffic

4.  Video Traffic

5.  CPA Network Traffic

6.  Social Media & Web 2.0 Traffic

There are a few others, but those are the big ones.

The real trick here isn’t so much finding new traffic sources.  That’s easy.  The important thing is to find traffic that will MAKE YOU MOOLAH. $$$$.

Of course, throw enough traffic at ANYTHING and you’ll make money.  No problem.  But you gotta be dilligent about tracking your traffic.

So if you want to really ramp up your site traffic, here’s how to do it…

1. Pay Per Click - Sign up for Google Adwords and target keywords and websites.  Track the shit out of that traffic and narrow down which keywords/websites are converting for you.  Then copy those campaigns over to Yahoo and MSN.  Be sure to track those too.  But if they convert on Google. chances are they’ll convert on the other two as well.

2.  Search Engine Traffic - Make sure your site is optimized for the search engines.  Easiest way to do this is to add a wordpress blog to your site along with a Google Sitemap.  Wordpress is set to PING the search engines automatically every time its updated.  So if you target your blog to your main keywords, eventually you’ll get ranked for them and get that free traffic.  Once you’re set up, start building backlinks to your blog.  The easiest way to do this is to just take every post you write up for it, and submit it as an article to multiple article directories, linking back to the original post for your desired keyword.  This will build up link juice for your site.  You can also take advantage of Wordpress’s trackback and pingback feature to get link juice from like-minded blogs.

3.  Banner Traffic - Take your best converting ad from your Google PPC account, and have it turned into banner ads.  You can hire someone to do this for you.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, just words against a white background.  Just make it for every possible banner ad size.  Use these on the Google Content Network, along with banner servers like AdBrite.  You can also target specific websites and cut deals with them to display your banners.  There are also free banner exchanges you can sign up for to get your ads displayed everywhere.  Just be sure to track what websites are sending you the converting traffic!  Use PPSeer for this.  Systematically eliminate the junk sites, and focus on getting more traffic from the winning sites.

4.  Video Traffic - Make a video, sign up for Traffic Geyser, and blast that badboy out to every video site you can find.  Make sure your website is prominently displayed in the video, and your description and title are keyword loaded.  The easiest way to make a video is to record yourself reading an article, and set that audio to a still image.  You can do this extremely easily with a program like iMovie or something similar.  Easy, right?

5.  CPA Network - take your offer and blast it out to the CPA networks like Azoogle, Commission Junction, ROI Rocket, and all the others.  Use your converting banner ads to give to affiliates and the like.  Even if your offer isn’t eating up the rankings on these networks, you’ll build up a great network of affiliates sending you traffic over time.  If you’re not a merchant, you can use CPA networks for a pay per action of some sort, like newsletter signup or something like that.

6.  Social Media & Web 2.0 - Hire some people in a 3rd world country to set up social bookmarking accounts for your blog, and create Myspace and Facebook accounts.  Have them automatically add friends to your accounts and send them bulletins about your site.  Put an opt in form on your pages and get people on your list from these sites.  Then send them to your site and offers through emailing your list.  There are so many web 2.0 sites out there, you can get creative and figure out how to drive traffic with them.

I could go on for hours on all the different traffic strategies you can use.  But I won’t.  Just don’t try and figure out the “newest” thing.  Go for the old shit that still works, and learn how to do it REALLY WELL.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Hey Losers,

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hanging out on this blog, it’s that you’re all pathetic.

If there’s another thing I’ve learned, its that you guys always want to know how to get more traffic to your websites. The problem is, your ass is too CHEAP to go out and buy it. You want to know how to get it for free.

Okay, that’s cool. Free traffic is awesome. I’m awesome. Therefore, if anyone can teach you how to get free traffic, it’s me.

One of the big crazes sweeping the internet is this notion of online video. Sites like Youtube get hundreds of millions (if not billions) of losers wasting time on there every day, and chances are, out of all those idiots, you can find a few to buy the crap you’re selling them.

So if you know how to make good videos that appeal to your market, you can use them to drive traffic to your site.

Here are some tips for getting free traffic from videos, just for you:

1. Keep videos useful, but incomplete.

The inner-filmmaker in everyone wants to freakin’ deliver their magnum opus to Youtube. Screw that. Keep your videos short - two minutes max. Give away some good info your prospects will want, but at the end of the video, tell them to take an action (ie: visit your own damn website) to get MORE information.

Let’s say you are doing a product review. In your video, you can spend the whole two minutes talking about how you got this product, and it made you $5,000 in two weeks, doing a total 90 minutes of work. You can show people the checks you got, the product itself, etc. Then, at the end of the video, you can say: “If you want to learn more about the tactics this course taught me, visit my website at…” whatever.

So you show the benefit (useful), and tell the viewer to take an action to find out how you got that benefit and how they can do it too. (incomplete).

2. Plaster Your Website On That Dang Video.

Don’t wait to show people your website. Put it on the bottom of that video and keep it up on there the WHOLE DANG TIME. I believe video geeks call this the “bottom third” where you take the bottom third part of the video and display your website address on there. Any moron with iMovie can do this, so you should too.

3. Piggy-back off popular videos

Find videos on Youtube that are getting lots of traffic, and create a video response for them. This will show up beneath the video, and you’ll get to siphon off some of that massive traffic that video is getting.

4. Trick The Public

If there’s a super-popular video on Youtube, did you know you can totally trick people into watching your video because they think they’re going to be watching a super-popular video? It’s a very easy trick. First, you need to know that Youtube takes a screencapture of your video 30 seconds in (or in some cases at the half way mark of your video), if you did not specifiy one yourself, to be shown next to that video in it’s results listings.

So what you do is this… take a screenshot of the popular video that is the same as the screenshot that shows up next to it in Youtube. (You can do this by pressing CNTRL+PrtScn) Then, you insert this picture as 1 frame of video, 30 seconds into YOUR video (or half way through). Then you upload it to Youtube using the same title, description, etc. as the popular video.

So when people go searching for that popular video, and they click on your version of it, instead of seeing what they want, they’ll see YOUR video.

Is this sneaky? You bet. Is it underhanded? You bet. Will most people click away and leave once they see it’s not what they’re looking for? You bet. But if even a SMALL percentage of people on a video that’s being searched for 1,000,000 times a DAY decide to watch your full video, you’re going to make some sales. Period.

5. Get Listed In The Search Engines

Did you know putting up a video on Youtube can get you top ranking in the search engines for keyword phrases in a matter of hours? it’s true. You just need to know the tricks to writing your descriptions properly, and how to keyword-load your title.

But taking it a step further, you can also get an RSS feed for your Youtube account and ping that sucker at pingomatic.com, and have search engines from all over crawl your video and INDEX it. So not only do you get listed in Google, but suddenly your video is in Yahoo, MSN, ASK, and all those other lame search engines people use.

Each Youtube user has their own RSS feed, even though YouTube doesn’t advertise it. The format is:

http://gdata.youtube.com/feeds/api/users/username/uploads

Just replace the part where it says “username” with your own username. (simple, yes?)

Now, you might be thinking “Wow, RJ - You’re so smart! This info is worth serious cash!”

Well, you’d be right. But to be honest with you, I don’t concern myself with these things. I have people who do it for me. I’m much too important to sit around on Youtube all day watching something that ISN’T two hot girls making out.

When I want video traffic for any of my websites, I call one guy, and one guy only… Jason Moffatt.

Yes, he is a freak who ate too many paint chips while living under some powerlines as a child, but all the tips I just gave you are just some of the things he uses everyday in addition to many more sneaky strategies. Seriously, this kid is a wizzard when it comes to getting free traffic with videos.

He will give you tactics that will blow your freakin’ mind with the amount of traffic they’ll get you. Heck, I think he even has a way to do this stuff without even making your own freakin’ videos. Perfect for a lazy SOB like me.

I asked Jason to give Rich Jerk students a special gift today and he agreed to make a bonus video explaining more of his tactics. Go to his website now (see link below) and check out the video he made just for my blog readers:

Jason Moffatt’s Video Tactics Don’t Suck…at all

After Jason is done with you, maybe you’ll stop being such a moron and get all that free traffic you’ve always wanted. Or don’t use his tactics. I don’t care. I’ll still be rich and you’ll still be… well, you.

Later Losers,

-RJ

Dear Loser,

What you are about to read is a true story. Well, sort of. It’s a story anyway. I don’t give a crap whether you think it’s true or not.

Here’s a fact: I’m filthy stinking rich.

Here’s another fact: I’m always looking for ways to be even MORE filthy stinking rich!

And I’m going to share with you a powerful technique I use to make me more money than the combined GDP of most countries in Africa.

As you all know, I love to throw parties. My party at the Playboy Mansion was a thing of legend. Every internet marketer who was lucky enough to get invited is STILL talking about it.

Well, every day seems like a day at the Playboy Mansion in casa du Rich Jerk.

People are coming in and out all the time. Most of them super-hot chicks and wannabes. But occasionally, I get VIP guests.

In this case, I had two very big VIPs come over for a visit, and I didn’t even know who they were!

So there I was, chilling in my hot tub, entertaining a few ladies, when in walks my right-hand man Ryan. And he’s got two Mexicans with him.

I take one look at them and automatically assume they’re here to clean my house. So I get out of the pool and start telling them where they can find all the cleaning supplies.

Until Ryan pulls me aside and lets me know “RJ, these guys aren’t housekeepers! They’re Carlos and Lupe Garcia!”

And of course, my response is: “Who the F**K are Carlos and Lupe Garcia?”

“They’re geniuses at getting massive amounts of traffic to their websites,” Ryan tells me.

“So am I,” I shot back.

“But these guys are able to get more traffic than most fortune 500 companies!” Ryan says. “They’ve been making millions in the weight loss industry for years with their secrets!”

I stopped for a minute and thought about it. Mexicans are really good at at managing large numbers of people. After all, how else could they fit so many illegals in the back of those tiny vans? So suddenly, what Ryan was telling me made sense. Leave it to a Mexican to know how to get lots of people somewhere.

I told all the hot chicks to take a hike and invited Carlos and Lupe into my mansion. I never mix business and pleasure. And it was time to get down to business.

“So,” I said. “What can you people do for me?”

Carlos and Lupe explained that they were getting ready to release a course called “Traffic University,” where they teach people how to get tons of traffic doing big media buys.

(That means, spending lots of money to buy banner ads on highly trafficked websites, for you dumb-asses out there.)

“So how does that help me?” I asked.

“Well, we want you to help us promote it,” Carlos said.

At this point, I openly laughed. Not because I it was funny, mind you, but because I wanted to make it very clear what I thought about their offer.

So while they were sitting there, watching me cackle on mercilessly, I went on to explain:

“I’m RJ! Everyone and their mother wants me to promote their programs! Why should I do anything for you if you haven’t proven you’re worth my time?”

I had to laugh because Ryan looked like he was about to sh*t himself. He’s overly-polite and was afraid I was going to piss off the Mexicans.

But Carlos looked at me and smiled. “How would you like it if I helped your company triple it’s traffic overnight?”

This got my interest.

“Do tell…” I said.

Then, Carlos and Lupe went on to lay out a traffic strategy for the Rich Jerk that was so hot, so sexy, so elegant, I wanted to jump on the table and slap the smile right off Carlos’ face. So simple. Damn him!

It turns out my instincts were right. These Mexicans know how to get lots of people where ever they want!

So here was the jist of their plan…

1. Buy advertising on highly trafficked websites to test out your ads.

2. Once you find a winner, take that and use the sales message to craft your landing page, autoresponder emails, and other banner advertisements.

3. Roll these out to new websites and media networks, and buy more traffic for sales messages you know for a fact WORK.

4. Once fine tuned, take your program onto the CPA networks and get lots of people promoting your stuff.

5. Then, move on to mainstream media exposure, like radio and TV ads - all using your highly perfected offer and sales materials.

Now, this might all seem like beginners hour, but the brilliance of this system was the way Carlos and Lupe structured the deals.

See - what USUALLY happens when you go out and do these big media buys is you end up getting locked in to a big ad spend - whether the traffic converts or not!

(And that type of stuff will burn a hole in your pocket faster than a high priced hooker, covered in hot sauce!)

But they came up with a system designed to protect you, so that if your traffic isn’t converting, you can stop paying for it immediately!

Not only that - but they had also developed some kick-ass spy tools that saved them TONS of money in testing their offers. Basically, they used these tools to SPY on their biggest competitors, find out what their banners, offers, autoresponders, and all the other stuff they use to get traffic is.

Then, they take what they discover and use THAT as a starting point, and then test small, incremental changes until they find a perfect offer that converts like mad.

In addition to all that, they also have a system of using Other People’s Money to buy traffic, so the risk is completely off their shoulders!

Imagine - getting millions of site visitors a month, and not having to pay for it out of your own pocket! Nice.

Needless to say, I was impressed. (Something that doesn’t happen often.)

So I tell Ryan to get off his ass and start doing some of the stuff that Carlos and Lupe shared with us.

Sure enough, my company saw immediate results. Our traffic got a huge spike. We were doing infomercials and radio ads - I was even on the Howard Stern Show.

Understand - in online business, traffic equals MONEY.

The more traffic you get, the more money you get.

It’s that simple.

Now, I get emails from you losers all the time saying crap like:

“I don’t have any money!”

“I don’t have a website!”

“I can’t get any traffic to my site!”

Blah, blah, blah.

STFU. Stop bitching. If you’re one of those people who’s broke-ass poor, a loser, someone who likes to whine, knows nothing about computers, and has balls the size of raisin crumbs, what I’m about to tell you is WORTHLESS.

Seriously. Newbies need not read any further. This is for SERIOUS marketers only, who can afford a four-figure price tag and are willing to grow out their business online.

Let me repeat this for all the retards out there:

IF YOU’RE NEW TO INTERNET MARKETING, IGNORE THIS…

Last year, Carlos and Lupe started a coaching program for people who wanted to learn their traffic secrets.

It cost people $25,000 to join this program.

(Chump change for me, but that’s a lot of money for some.)

While they were coaching these people, they recorded a lot of videos and educational material to help their students not only LEARN what they did, but implement it and use it in their businesses as well.

And more than that - their students actually got real success with these tactics! Not like the rip-off artists in this market who promise the moon and deliver ghonnoreah.

One student started with 100K a month and is now making over $2.2 million - A MONTH.

Another was (only) making about $30K a month and is now making over $500K a month.

One student made 691 sales at $197 per sale in 2 DAYS!!! And this was just last week - April 28-29.

And then we have the more “realistic” examples…

One started in the negative - and made $20K NET PROFIT in only 10 days.

Another started with nothing and hasn’t released their product yet, BUT they’ve acquired $1.5 MILLION IN CREDIT to buy traffic with.

Another student doesn’t even have a product, but runs other peoples’ products through affiliate networks. He started making $3,000 a month online and is now making over $16,000 a month.

And believe you me - none of these people are “special” or “gurus.” They’re just average losers who took the chance, did what they were told, and became winners.

So what does this mean for you?

Well, first off - don’t worry, you’re not going to be spending $25,000 to learn these secrets.

Carlos and Lupe are opening up a special membership website where they are going to make their teachings available to members, as opposed to those rich enough to afford their mentorship program.

This means YOU now have the opportunity to enhance your business and bring your traffic to the next level, all for a much, much cheaper price than these other people got it!

And me being RJ, I’m going to help you out even further…

So here’s what I want you to do:

1. Go to this website:

Click Here For The Massive Mexican Traffic Program

2. Sign up for Carlos & Lupe’s Massive Traffic program.

3. Learn their secrets and make mucho dinero.

4. Claim your special bonus from me for buying through my link.

What’s the bonus?

Well, after my initial meeting with the Mexicans (well, that’s what I call Carlos and Lupe), their traffic strategies worked so well, I immediately demanded full access to their course so I could exploit their hard work like the rest of America exploits the Mexicans. (Hey, someone’s got to, right?)

So I immediately set my team - led by Ryan - to the task of planning out ANOTHER massive traffic buy for the Rich Jerk company.

What we plan to do is give our students special “over the shoulder” access as my team plans, preps, and executes our traffic strategy, using Carlos and Lupe’s techniques.

So not only will you GET full access to these traffic secrets…

Not only will you TAKE your business to the next level…

You’ll get to see first hand how it’s done.

Normally, I would charge you losers $10,000 minimum to get inside access to my company like this. But since Carlos and Lupe were kind enough to share their teachings with me so early on (and since they refuse my offer to pay them for their time in tacos), I’m going to be making this special offer to anyone ambitious and smart enough to get their course through my website.

BUT THERE’S A CATCH…

I don’t want too many losers crowding into my “over the shoulder” mastermind, so I’ll be limiting the number of spaces available.

I’m thinking maybe 10, or 20 at the most.

So you need to sign up RIGHT NOW for Carlos and Lupe’s course to be eligible for the bonus.

And if I hear any of you bitch about how you want the bonus but can’t afford the course - shut up. I will slap you. I will slap you and then drop kick your dog. I’m serious.

Do not beg me to let you in on the bonus if you don’t get the course. It won’t happen. In fact, I’ll actually put your name on a special list and keep you from getting any bonus from me EVER. That’s how strongly I feel about not wanting lame-asses bugging me about this.

Carlos and Lupe are sharp people. Not as brilliant as me, but still, they’re pretty darn smart. If you’re lucky, maybe some of that intelligence will rub off on you.

Because the true beauty of their course is that it’s full of practical techniques you can actually DO. It will help you take action.

So go here now:

Click Here For The Mexican Traffic Program

Reserve your space in their course. And you’ll get my bonus along with it.

Still on the fence? Ask yourself:

Are you a Mexi*CAN*, like Carlos and Lupe? Or are you a Mexi*CAN’T*, like Hitler, Stalin, and that German guy who held his daughter captive in a basement for 18 years? I hear they didn’t get enough traffic to their websites either.

Man up. Get inside this course now.

Seriously - Click This Freakin’ Link For The Mexican Traffic Program Right Now.

Later,

-RJ

John Reese, one of the few marketers out there I really respect, has a pretty cool post about YouTube shenanigans you need to check out.

YouTube has just added some new features and a new layout.

Look at the “Statistics & Info” tab under a video.

This tab will show you any ‘awards’ that video has won but more importantly will show you REFERRING SITES and how many clicks those incoming links have sent to the video.

* It currently appears to only show the top 5 referring sites.

EDIT: These stats have been available before but many marketers chose to ‘hide’ them. (Read on.)

This is extremely VALUABLE marketing information.

Now you can look at any of your competitor’s videos and see ‘where’ most of their traffic is coming from!

This is a great way to find new JV partners or content publishers in your market that would be ideal to send traffic to YOUR videos.

Users can apparently hide this information but YouTube displays it by default with the new layout. (For now.)

So GO NOW and do some valuable research into your competitors’ videos before they HIDE this referral data.

UPDATE: I meant to emphasize that it looks like ALL of these stats have been turned on by DEFAULT. A lot of this info was already there although the layout has changed. In the past this information did not appear to be turned on all videos by default — not sure if this is an error by YouTube that will be corrected soon.

So what can you do with this information?

Well, let’s see… find videos on YouTube related to your market. Copy all them websites referring to the videos into a spreadsheet. Go into google adwords and site target those bitches. Relevant Content + Market Message Match = Money.

Then, make your own damn video and post it as a video comment - make sure your website address is in that sucker. Watch the traffic roll in.

Then go back to using YouTube to watch videos of girls making out with each other.

Later losers,
-RJ

So a lot of you guys like to bitch-and-moan about how you never have any money to do stuff online.

Screw you. Seriously.

There is so much you can do to make money online that doesn’t cost you jack. But you’re too busy complaining to notice it.

For instance - getting traffic to your website. People think it cost you money. And you know what? FAST, INSTANT traffic does. But you can also get traffic for free. It just takes a bit longer.

Just check out this video by Aaron Wall over at SEOBook. Sure, he sounds like a complete pansy when he talks, but this guy knows his stuff.

His 10 minute video is all about using social media to get free search engine traffic. And as web 2.0 gets bigger and better, opportunities like this are RIPE for the picking.

The problem is that you just need to work your ASS off creating content for these sites. But if you work smart, this isn’t really an issue.

Here’s a good tip for ya…

Pick out a converting keyword you really want to rank for. Let’s say “Car Insurance” for example. You know - a keyword you can use to make some dough.

Write an article (or get one written) about car insurance.

Go to Squidoo.com and create a lens (web page) optimized for the keyword Car Insurance, and post your article on there, and link back to an affiliate program or something that has to do with Car Insurance.

Then, go bookmark the hell out of this site on places like Digg, Delicious, Furl, Reddit, etc. Ping the lens at Pingomatic.com to alert the search engines about it. Do what good ol’ Aaron does in his video. Get people to link to your lens using the keyword “car insurance.” Watch your stuff rank on the first page of Google and start making some money.

It takes work, but it’s worth the time investment. And it costs you NOTHING.

So if I hear any of you complain again, I’ll have to bitch-slap you.

Later losers,

-RJ